Posts Tagged ‘Weight’

Body Image: Missing A Link

Sunday, June 6th, 2010

Since deciding that my eating disorder was about far more than body image (which I’ll stand by); and determining that the outside was a reflection of the struggles which were taking place within (yes, again), I seem to have cut off any consideration of my appearance and swung straight to the other extreme.

If I understand that my perception can get distorted; and I know that it’s all tied into how I feel about myself; and I have a whole bag full of CBT tricks to prove that no, I can’t possibly be fat with my BMI or yes, the reason I feel uncomfortable now is because I was used to being so unnaturally thin…

Well then, it’s all hunky-dory, really, isn’t it, and there’s clearly nothing to dwell on?


A Strange Kind of Silence….

Friday, February 12th, 2010

You know when you walk past a shop window and don’t recognise yourself because you’d forgotten that you were wearing your new pink coat or had just lost 4 inches of hair?

I’ve just had one of those moments.

Post pilates leg stretches, and I was so surprised by the leg that I was stretching that I ended up twisting it back to front and forgetting to follow the crucial


My legs do not look like my legs anymore, and I couldn’t guarantee that this body belongs to me.

The Etymology of “Fat”

Friday, February 5th, 2010

“Fat”, as a noun, is a “nutritional component of food”, and not a name for myself.

Contrary to the automatic associations, “fat”, as a “nutritional component” is required for healthy functioning.

In moderation, noun “fat” will not make me adjective “fat”; although it may contribute to an alternative meaning: the “tissue made up of cells that contain fat”. This type of “fat” is normal. It’s what keeps us warm and healthy and offers a little protection from the big bad world.

Hello body, meet Melissa..

Friday, January 8th, 2010

Since putting on weight, I seem to have separated me, from my body. It sits, over there; whilst I stay, over here; and, never the twain shall meet.

We weren’t this disconnected when I was hideously underweight. We may not have been friends but we were, at least, on speaking terms. Now we don’t acknowledge each other.

Weight Gains

Tuesday, October 6th, 2009

I seem to have stopped being invisible now that I’ve put on a little weight.

People are no longer looking through me or averting their eyes.

I didn’t realise that they were doing this until I had a comparison – but now that there’s a little more skin on my bones, the reaction is a whole lot more positive…

I actually feel quite good.

Letting go – weight

Thursday, June 4th, 2009

I had been hoping for the white dove letting go elation. The release of a balloon. A ceremonial burning.

I was expecting the worst. A painful wrenching. A terrifying step in the dark.

It has been like a tick that I have been trying to shrug off.

A recurring theme.

It has been a whole mishmash of emotions. A turbulent and unpredictable journey. A snail’s pace edging towards recovery.