Posts Tagged ‘things that help’

How to make friends…

Thursday, February 18th, 2010

….is a question that I have been asking myself rather a lot recently.

Now that I’ve realised that people are preferable to an eating disorder, I’m eager to make up for lost ground and appreciating just how much we’ve got to offer each other –

Only, it’s a little harder now that I’m nearing 30 and most people seem to be settled; and, I’ve hit a few unanticipated questions – like where do I go, and what do I say? – and some overlooked assumptions – like what do I have to offer? – that have put a few barriers in my way.

Making friends is far more complicated then I remember.

Given that the last time I tried to make friends, the other 30 people in the classroom shared my sentiments, this is, perhaps, unsurprising. However, after doing lots of things that I thought I couldn’t do, and as I’ve already come this far, there’s no points in shying away from a challenge – and this is what I’ve started to learn:

1. Being my own friend
(more…)

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Finding Melissa | 1 Comment »

Art as Therapy

Friday, January 22nd, 2010

Last night, I was painting plates.

Art wasn’t this therapeutic when I was painting feelings.

I think I might have been missing the point – or just getting too hung up on it. When you’re trying to draw the perfect tragedy, it doesn’t really work; and, if you’re doing something because it’s ‘part of the programme’, it can feel a little bit like you’re back at school –

Painting plates, however, is a whole different ball game to psychiatric ward Blue Peter or the hardcore art therapy that, along with the plastic chairs and patronisation, was hard to take seriously. It is, instead, about having fun and being creative and doing something different – which is a therapy in itself.
(more…)

Tags: , ,
Posted in Getting Better | No Comments »

The Self Help Sceptic

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

As a self help sceptic (reformed), the irony inherent in my blog has not been missed.

If you’d given me a web address or a self help book a few years back, I’d have turned my nose straight up.

There was a certain arrogance to my eating disorder (what would they know?) that sneered at self help (like it’s that easy) and people who claimed to “understand”; an automatic scepticism towards shop brought solutions and the hollowness of a few positive words that couldn’t possibly appreciate my pain –

I might have been wrong.
(more…)

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Getting Better | 4 Comments »

Handmade Cards

Friday, December 18th, 2009

One Christmas in hospital, handmade cards were my salvation.

With time on my hands and a head that wouldn’t behave, having a clear focus was a godsend.

After months of food and failure and going round in circles, a tangible product was just what the doctor had ordered; and, being able to give something – rather than always being on the receiving end – was a pleasant change.
(more…)

Tags: , ,
Posted in Finding Melissa | No Comments »

Mastering the art of a good nights sleep….

Friday, December 4th, 2009

I find the fundamentals quite hard.

The Times Killer Su Du Ku is far easier to master than the ‘simple things’ like a good night’s sleep.

It is not, unfortunately, quite so important in the grand scale of things (a sleepless night is never a great start to the day); but, it does, at least, divert your attention from the swirling whirling thoughts…

Which is one of my main sleep blockers.
(more…)

Tags: ,
Posted in Getting Better | No Comments »

Five Good Things

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

I am not great at positive affirmations and platitudes. I’ll do them – spontaneously and under a different name – but I find forced sentimentality a little nauseating…

Which is why my next strategy may come as a bit of a surprise!

‘Five Good Things’ is my version of the ‘things that I am grateful for today’ concept. I have used it at various stages in my illness, my recovery, and in those horrible periods when life seemed pretty bleak and it was hard to see the point.

Interestingly – and unintentionally – it also proved a great way of falling asleep at night; particularly during times when my head refused to be quiet or the emptiness of going to bed with a mind full of miserable thoughts was just too much to bear.

Now, it’s good for days when I have that nagging sense of dissatisfaction, or when I get caught up in the hype and forget that it’s the little things that really make the difference –

Because ‘Five Good Things’ is really simple and all about recognising the brief moments of specialness – so that they become a lot bigger.
(more…)

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Getting Better | No Comments »

A Good Dentist…

Sunday, October 25th, 2009

I don’t have much of my real teeth left.

If you’ve got bulimia, get yourself a good dentist – there’s stuff that they can do.
(more…)

Tags: , ,
Posted in Getting Better | 4 Comments »

Either / Or and If / Then

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

The recession has taught us some important lessons: actions come with costs and consequences; and, resources are finite – sometimes you have to make a choice.

I wish that I’d applied the logic a little earlier.

In an age of instant and ongoing gratification and when you’re used to living for the moment, either / or tends to be an afterthought; the consequences of any action too distant to consider –

– until it all comes crashing down.
(more…)

Tags: , ,
Posted in Getting Better | No Comments »

Getting Better

Monday, August 3rd, 2009

I have wasted a lot of time searching for a magic cure for eating disorders.

If this existed, I’m sure that a scientist or doctor would have already made the breakthrough.

There is no one-fix-wonder for anorexia-bulimia; no magic pill to change your head overnight and make it better; no one size fits all answer to explain why it happens and how to make it stop happening.

There’s just lots of different and difficult ways of recovering.

It’s simply a case of finding what works for you.

Tags:
Posted in Getting Better | No Comments »

Unspeakable to spoken

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

There are strict rules of etiquette around what you do and what you don’t talk about; socially acceptable themes of conversation – and those that should be kept behind closed doors or under a stiff upper lip.

We’re scared of giving too much away, of putting ourselves in the firing line of judgement or criticism or idle chitchat – self-editing’s an easy habit to slip in to.

Most people aren’t that bad. Most people appreciate a little honesty. Most people are willing to listen –

- if you’re able to talk.

(more…)

Tags: , ,
Posted in Getting Better | No Comments »

The Art of Positive Thinking

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

I am, by nature, a glass half empty person. If I think the worst, I’m tempting fate; if I’m quietly confident, then catastrophe is inevitable.

Or that’s what it feels like sometimes.

Fortunately, positive thinking can be acquired.

Like any bad habit, you can re-wire your head if you practice something enough.

(more…)

Tags: ,
Posted in Getting Better | No Comments »

The Proof is in the Pudding

Saturday, July 11th, 2009

I couldn’t resist. I know the subject (re-learning how to start eating normally) is serious but I’d rather lighten the tone, ease the tension a little.

And it’s not just an empty pun. It’s exactly what I had to do. Prove that food isn’t what the eating disorder said it was, start building up a little evidence, find a little ammunition to challenge 17 years of negative associations.
(more…)

Tags: , ,
Posted in Getting Better | No Comments »

Mind Games

Friday, June 19th, 2009

It’s hard to muster up the enthusiasm to get stuck into therapy exercises.  They can reek of chat show sentimentalism, are often suggested by people who have no idea what they are talking about, and – to top it off – rarely come with a time limit or guarantee.

Nevertheless; when you’ve sunk to the depths of despair, anything’s worth a go.

And there are a few things I wish I’d tried before hitting the bottom.

Tags: ,
Posted in Getting Better | No Comments »