Posts Tagged ‘the philosophical bit’

Over Analysis

Sunday, November 21st, 2010

I was sitting in the pub the other night complaining that I didn’t understand how people “did” relationships and met their other halves and found that one connection when there are so many people in the world and also no fish left in the sea – when my friend stopped me, and said that the problem wasn’t me, it was practice.


From a Female Perspective-

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

Let me set the scene. I am a thirty-something female. Educated, employed, relatively attractive, slightly neurotic – and recovering from a chronic eating disorder.

To help me along this bumpy journey, I started to try and understand myself and my relationship to the world; to gain some insight into what had happened and why it had happened. The pen was my probe and my head, the subject. Or so I thought. Somewhere along the way, my psychological exercise stumbled into a sociological debate and took on a life of its own – particularly in relation to being a woman.


Sunday, February 14th, 2010

The light was fading and the drizzle still hadn’t stopped as I drove home past a guy, standing beside the A1 with a bucket of roses and a sodden, torn sign.

Sights like this make me sad.

At 5 O’clock on a rainy, winters afternoon, people shouldn’t be standing alone in the rain, especially when it’s Valentines day. It makes me wonder what the point of it all is, really; and whether I’ll ever make sense of what we’re doing here

And then I remembered, as the lights changed, that we don’t really know the answer, and we’ll probably never get what it’s all about; but the thing that keeps it going is a little four letter word called Love –

Because, when all’s said and done, it’s love that makes the futile feel bearable and gives meaning to what’s mostly mundane; and, it’s the human connections that provide an anchor when everything else is a little hard to grasp.

So, instead of feeling sad as I drove past the man in the rain, and rather than feeling sorry for myself, as I headed back to my empty flat, I felt an unexpected kind of connection and a strange kind of peace with it all; because the answers to life might be totally out of my grasp –

But the point of it isn’t.


Thursday, January 28th, 2010

On those rare occasions when the barriers are down and it feels okay to move beyond what is normally said, then it suddenly emerges that we’re all just working with half versions of the truth; and, most of the time, we’re making up what goes in the gaps.

And, when we pause, unexpectedly, to find out whether what we’re thinking they’re thinking, is even close to what’s really going through their minds; and find ourselves, so often, on entirely different pages, then it’s immediately clear that we’re all just trying to make sense of a fragmented assortment of feelings and experiences and thoughts, reflected and refracted in a thousand different ways –

Shoulds, Buts, and the Need To Get it “Right”

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

For some time now, I have become a little anxious about the frequency with which the word “but” is creeping into my vocabulary.

“Should” has always been bit of a problem for me, but I’d kind of prided myself on my ability to problem solve and think creatively and take the initiative …

The realisation that I automatically see objections – rather than possibilities – is a little sore.

Muddling Through

Sunday, January 24th, 2010

With one foot in – and one foot out – of this thing that is life, I am only just beginning to realise the complexities, and the extent to which we are all just muddling along and trying to make the best of what we’ve got.

That we start, not as a blank canvas, but as a sketched outline, already shaded and shaped by the people that went before us – and those that preceded them; and, that the final masterpiece rarely resembles the vision but is, instead, a mishmash of the truths and illusions and feelings and experiences that we’ve picked up along the way.

The Bigger Picture

Friday, August 14th, 2009

Writing was meant to help me sort my head out.

It was a tried and tested part of the recovery process, and the subject was meant to be clear. Me.

Somewhere along the way, my psychological exercise got sidetracked and made a slight digression into the world of sociological and anthropological contemplation.

It got a tad distracted in the tangled web of philosophical and literary exploration.

But it wasn’t a wasted trip.


A 21st century epidemic?

Monday, August 10th, 2009

This is the interesting bit.

History says that the Romans had a strange and socially acceptable form of bulimia.

I haven’t really pursued the subject; but rumour has it that anorexia has been around for years. Apparently, there’s even an anorexic take on Jane Eyre (refusal and food – I stumbled across it during my degree).

Following the literary line further, the emotional context is not that dissimilar from stuff that people were describing years ago. It’s just the manifestation and the response that’s different.

And that’s the crux of the situation. There’s a whole pretext to anorexia and bulimia, a whole lot of similarities to age old emotional baggage– yet they’re very much a modern disease. A regular 20th/21st century phenomenon.


A Gender Identity?

Monday, June 15th, 2009

As I have only just started considering myself as a woman – rather than a girl – I have never really given the whole ‘what it means to be a woman’ debate, that much attention.

I thought that understanding what it was like to be me would be enough to make sense of my experiences; I didn’t anticipate contemplating the far bigger mystery of what it was like to be a woman. To be honest, it seemed kind of irrelevant…

Until I noticed that it kept coming up – and it appeared to be connected; kind of like this….

Deconstructing Food

Monday, June 1st, 2009

I started with Freud and metaphorical mouths, and ended up at “comfort food”. I was being far too complicated. We can keep this deconstruction simple. It doesn’t take a genius to work out the associations.

Comfort Food. Pretty self explanatory. We give a crying baby milk and a heartbroken teenager, maltesers. Chicken soup for flu and macaroni cheese for winter days; custard and crumble for Sundays, and chocolate for when you’re down.

Bulimia links in to comfort. It’s about feeling bad and wanting to feel better. Macaroni cheese and chocolate topped the binge food bill.

Anorexia resists comfort: it’s all about punishment. And the message starts early.