Finding Melissa is no longer a secret. With my identity revealed on the About page, it was never a very good one; but the level of ownership that I’ve taken has gradually increased. I have, in the main, been okay with this, after all, it’s been my decision; but, recently, I’ve been wondering if I’m really as okay with it as I think. I have caught myself, on several occasions, catastrophising that if my site is “found” or my “real-life” identity connected, the consequences will automatically be bad.
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Posts Tagged ‘perception’
Self Stigma
Monday, September 6th, 2010Where I’ve *Really* Been Going Wrong
Tuesday, July 13th, 2010A while ago, I wrote about my “am I still the same?” question. There is another old favourite whining around in my head at the moment. It’s the “are you angry with me?” one. I feel like a squeaky teenager who I’d like to give a good shake.
“Are you angry with me?” “What have I done?” “Don’t you like me anymore?”
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Not The Skinny One
Sunday, April 25th, 2010I am a sibling.
One (the eldest) of three.
This blog is not about my siblings (who are, by the way, totally wonderful and I love them to bits); but I think it might be about a younger me’s reaction to them, so I’m going to include this.
It is important to distinguish between your reality and the alternative versions of reality; the stuff that belongs to other people, and that which belongs to you.
This bit is mine.
Earlier today, someone asked me what I liked to eat as a child. Hoping to access my pre-ED tastes, I decided that casting my mind back a little (lot) and exploring the things that I used to look forward to at mealtimes sounded like a good idea.
It was. I just didn’t find what I was expecting.
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Go Unperfectly
Sunday, February 21st, 2010I would quite easily identify myself as a perfectionist.
I’m not good with failure and I don’t like making mistakes. I aim to please, am a little obsessive, and like things to be ‘just so’…
Interestingly, if you asked me to define ‘just so’, I’d probably struggle, and if you asked me to describe “perfection”, it’d be equally hard….which is where this post begins.
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The Pig Nose Story
Monday, May 25th, 2009My pondering on perception has opened a whole can of worms.
I’ve been going round and round and round and coming back to the same conclusion: we’re all unique and we all see things a bit differently.
It’s best illustrated through marmite. You either love it or hate it. A marmite lover talking about marmite is likely to create a very different impression of the flavour sensation to that given by a marmite hater.
As I said, it’s all subjective.
And subjectivity is a precarious basis for self perception.
Optical Illusions?
Sunday, May 24th, 2009Body image is the logical next step in my theoretical musings. It’s the link between emotional perception and the physical illness.
I’ve been resisting the whole ‘distorted body image’ debate. Trying to steer clear of clichés or over-simplifications. Trying not to replicate the patronising overtones that I used to hear in the references to my own distorted image.
They missed a crucial point: it wasn’t my body image that was distorted; it was my interpretation of my body image.
And there’s a subtle difference.
Fiction to Fact
Sunday, May 3rd, 2009A lesson in the precarious world of perception.
For years, I believed that my voice was way too loud. I had a whole issue about speaking too much; was convinced that the volume was a notch or two too high, that I came across as overbearing or demanding.
One day, I was told that my voice was so quiet that it could barely be heard. That, by unspoken agreement, windows were closed when I was in the room so that any other noise was blocked out.
Moral of the story: your head can get it wrong.
