Posts Tagged ‘OCD’

The If-Then Voice

Wednesday, February 10th, 2010

There is a little voice in my head that likes to make connections between totally unrelated things. I call it the if-then voice, because this is its favourite line.

If you don’t do that – then this will happen, OR, if you do that – then this will be the result.

It likes to predict the outcome, does the if-then voice. It likes to consider any action – or non action – in terms of what will come next and in line with its own, mysterious, agenda, which is mostly around controlling me.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Friday, June 19th, 2009

Parking my car is a long process. The wheels must be lined up parallel to the third pavement slab in. The back wheel must rest in the correct dent in the drive. Radio 1 must be tuned in. All personal belongings are to be removed– bar Dylan the Donkey who must lie in the correct position. The handbrake is checked. Twice. And a four door clockwise circle is completed each time the car is passed, ending with the driver door.

Welcome to the wonderful world of OCD.


Stepping off the hamster wheel

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009

OCD is like being a hamster on one of those running wheels. You know that you’re not really getting anywhere but getting off feels near on impossible. The only difference – and this does make some assumptions and ignores the benefits of exercise – is that you’re acutely aware that you’re a hamster running in a wheel.

It’s incredibly frustrating. It’s horrible to realise that you’re engaged in something so futile. That the future, in a ghoulish parody of groundhog day, simply holds more of the same futility.

Deviating from the prescribed route would be fatal.

Staying on it would be equally fatal.