With a mind that refuses to be quiet and is not very good at slowing – right – down – attempting meditation was always going to be interesting.
It is amazing what you can learn when you’re pinned to a chair trying not to overthink; because, as the facilitator introduced the need to remain mindful – in meditation – and described how to detach a little part of your consciousness to check that you are, indeed, relaxing –
the penny finally dropped.
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Because things are changing at the moment, and so I’m tired – and panicky – and a little bit afraid, I have lost sight of the bigger picture – and ended up just focusing on what’s going wrong. It’s okay to recognise when you’re struggling; but it’s important to also keep the not-so-bad bits in mind –
I have become so entangled with the negative, recently, that I have stopped appreciating the things that are good. Have been so busy making comparisons and coveting other people’s treasures – that my own have become neglected and dull.
This is the kind of thinking that keeps my dissatisfaction high and kept my eating disorder thriving…
So I am going to step around the fear of acknowledging that which is precious to me (and therefore might be lost); and move beyond the guilt that often accompanies the good things (because having comes with the question of what I deserve); and get over my resistance to “things could be worse” type commentary…
Because, really, Melissa, things could be far far worse.
Sometimes it’s better to take a step back and allow the bigger picture in…
1. I am here
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The concept of intuitive eating has only just started crossing my radar.
It sounds like an interesting idea – but at the moment, it also appears to be from another planet.
For me, intuitive and eating do not even appear in the same sentence, let alone alongside each other. With normality a lifetime ago, I still think in hospital speak ‘1 protein, 1 carbohydrate and 2 veg’; weigh out one of three ‘nutritionally enhanced’ breakfast cereals at 7am, come hunger or not; and couldn’t tell you if I like or loathe peas. I do not fancy cake, nor experience satisfaction; and I rotate my food groups to make sure that I’ve got a tick in each box –
In touch with my eating, I most definitely am not. So, I’m making a little introduction:
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