I have been intellectualising and analysing my eating disorder a lot recently. Scrutinising it under my mental magnifying lens. Looking at it from this angle – and that one. Trying to order the complexity into some semblance of sense.
I have wanted to unpick each sordid secret and expose every unspoken rule. To break down the perceptions. To write myself into recovery. To say the things I shouldn’t say because maybe, together, we can help to make things change…
It is important, I think, to talk about these things.
But it is even more important to remember that eating disorders kill.
It is even more important to remember that eating disorders kill.
I am worried that I have diluted this message. That in the to-ing and fro-ing, I have blurred over this one, crucial point. That in the detail, and the dissection, I have forgotten to re-iterate the terrifying bottom line –
Eating disorders kill.
So, this is a reality check and a reminder. An acknowledgement of the cruel truth about eating disorders – but also, that recovery is possible and that there are people out there who can help.
There are people out there that can help.
It is a message that makes my eyes watery and my stomach, clench –
But it comes, along with the experience and hope of recovery, as the most important thing that I can write.