Last year, a friend said that I would have to step away from Finding Melissa at some point. I knew that she was right because it pushed the ‘this is true but I don’t want to hear it’ button. Her argument? I would need to separate my identity from the eating disorder and create a new space where I could start to explore the other parts of my self.
It has been on my mind for a while now. I have got myself in knots around my Twitter profile (something I’ll come back to in a minute); and been increasingly aware of the sense that this might be the right time –
Finding Melissa means the world to me. The thought of not writing on it is terrifying – but the only way to override a fear is to go through it, and discover what happens on the other side.
I have been wondering about how, exactly, I should do this. Whether the lines have to be as absolute as I presume them to be and it must be one – or the other. What the fears are really about. Whether there is a right or wrong way for doing this sort of thing…
I don’t have any answers. But I do have a kinda plan.
There are a few things that I still want to write about in relation to my eating disorder, particularly in light of the past few months. I don’t want to end on a low point, nor be closed off should any ED related topics arise.
So, for the moment, I’ll post any eating disorder specific stuff over here; but I will be writing about the next stage of my journey on a shiny new blog. I don’t want to get into dividing myself into sections because the context informs the adventure – but it is the most logical transition that I can see.
I’ll still be doing the related ED activism stuff (because it’s where I come from, and I am desperate to help); and I’ll also be leaving Finding Melissa online, in case any of the more general earlier writing is of use.
I love my Twitter community. I’m not sure of the exact overlap of readers between here and there, but I have made some great connections and some really special friends.
I am not good with change at the best of times. I’ve been tying myself in knots around this one.
I considered a simple re-naming… but would always feel that that was dishonest to those who were following me in relation to Finding Melissa -
And, so, I’ve decided to set another profile up.
The tweets will inevitably be the same (I am after all, still me), but using my name feels important now, and a way to start exploring other ways of defining me.
@findingmelissa will continue (for the moment), in relation to blog updates and ED news, but I will also be tweeting the same plus more at @issawolfe. I’d really love to connect with anyone who’s on Twitter there.
A few question marks
I don’t know whether the order or the strategy is right.
I have ummed and ahhed over whether or not to write about what I am doing. Have questioned whether I have made it all too complicated – or whether anyone will actually care. Have been trying to find the right time, in the right way –
I don’t know what that is. So I’m jumping into the unknown –
And hoping that I land.