Posts Tagged ‘Food’

Food and the Move

Sunday, August 29th, 2010

I haven’t written about food for a while. Partly because I’ve been doing really well with relaxing around it; and partly because my mind has been addled by other things. Food is, however, back on the agenda at the moment, and yet again, it’s linked to ‘the move’. I think this move might throw up a lot of skeletons in the next few weeks, so I apologise in advance…

Getting Okay With Food

Monday, August 9th, 2010

I had semi-skimmed milk on my cereal this morning. It is little steps like these that remind me of how far I have come. I brought some, over the weekend, for a friend that came to stay; and, rather than insisting that they take it with them or knocking on my neighbour’s door, as I’ve done in the past, I decided to get over it and drink it, instead.


Saturday, July 31st, 2010

As anyone who follows me on Twitter is aware, I’ve just baked my first batch of biscuits. As a blogger, rather than a baker, it’s only right that I should write about the experience; but I’m not quite sure where to start – baking seems to have been more about feeling and doing than thinking for me. This is a bit of a surprise, to be honest, especially as I’ve spent so long building up the activity in my head.

Food: Changing the Message

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

One of my friends always makes a point of asking me what I am eating at lunchtime; and, when I’ve finished, whether it tasted nice. I mumble whatever I am eating; snap, when I have finished; and, bristle with hostility throughout. Then, I feel terrible; apologise for my behaviour; and explain that I’m not quite up to talking about food yet. Her response? She realises that, but she’ll keep asking, all the same, because it’s a normal kind of question, and I need to get used to being asked.

The Calathea

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

I have a calathea on the window sill in my front room.

I’m not particulary green-fingered so I keep forgetting that it needs to be fed.

A few days ago, I noticed that the cool stripey leaves had become crisp and were drooping (oops); and, in an attempt to save it from shrivelling away, I whisked the baby bio and watering-can out.

Today, when I got home from work and the sun was streaming through the window, I noticed that the leaves were unfurled and blooming; and the plant is radiant, once again.

This is the second time I’ve had to provide my calathea with a little emergency TLC. You would have thought that the first near miss – and then incredible revival – would have stopped me from letting it wilt again….

Some lessons need to be learned a few times and some miracles take a while to sink in.

I know it’s not as easy as a jug of water and some baby bio –

But feed a person properly and they, too, can come back to life.

The City

Sunday, May 16th, 2010

There is a correlation, I think, between urbanisation and the rise in eating disorders.

It came up, in a presentation, and there’s probably some research; but, I seem to have created my own personal proof.

I remembered, today, as I walked down Kentish Town Road (to see how far I could go before the panic kicked in), what happened when 24 hour living – and my eating disorder – met. I was thrown back, 10 years, with a surge of pain that almost over-powered me, as the landmarks that I had been avoiding, re-appeared, again.

Full Fat

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

My friend has challenged me to replace sweetener with sugar. Frankly, the idea had never even entered my head. I’m not quite sure what goes into the little blue dispenser I carry around with me – but why have sugar, when I could have calorie free sweetness instead?

It started me thinking – this sweetener challenge – of a few automatic assumptions that I have around food; and the extent to which weight loss, even though medically un-needed, still seems to rule the roost.

My food choices remain based, at some subconscious level, on the calorific content – and I don’t often consider the other variables that might begin to factor in.

In Search of Intuitive Eating

Friday, April 9th, 2010

The concept of intuitive eating has only just started crossing my radar.

It sounds like an interesting idea – but at the moment, it also appears to be from another planet.

For me, intuitive and eating do not even appear in the same sentence, let alone alongside each other. With normality a lifetime ago, I still think in hospital speak ‘1 protein, 1 carbohydrate and 2 veg’; weigh out one of three ‘nutritionally enhanced’ breakfast cereals at 7am, come hunger or not; and couldn’t tell you if I like or loathe peas. I do not fancy cake, nor experience satisfaction; and I rotate my food groups to make sure that I’ve got a tick in each box –

In touch with my eating, I most definitely am not. So, I’m making a little introduction:

Making Friends with Food

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

I am not very good at talking about food.

Despite the amount of time I have spent obsessing on the subject, and in spite of the leaps that I have taken in the ‘right’ direction; I still find myself a little touchy around the conversations that most people have on a daily basis –

“That looks nice” is rarely awarded a response; “what are you eating?” gets a swift brush off; and, the “what food do you like?” question is shrugged off, like a bad smell.

“Good” Food

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

In 1993, I gave up fat for Lent.

In an attempt to be “good” (which I was a little hung up on), and to prove my self discipline (which seemed to be lapsing), and to convince myself, once and for all, that I could stick to my guns; I decided that a period of abstinence was a great way of putting myself on the straight and narrow -

The Etymology of “Fat”

Friday, February 5th, 2010

“Fat”, as a noun, is a “nutritional component of food”, and not a name for myself.

Contrary to the automatic associations, “fat”, as a “nutritional component” is required for healthy functioning.

In moderation, noun “fat” will not make me adjective “fat”; although it may contribute to an alternative meaning: the “tissue made up of cells that contain fat”. This type of “fat” is normal. It’s what keeps us warm and healthy and offers a little protection from the big bad world.

A Phobia of Food-

Saturday, January 16th, 2010

I seem to be a little squeamish about food.

I am yet to work out whether this is a consequence – or a cause; a commonality – or a quirk that’s peculiar to myself.

It goes back to a peanut in a glass of orange juice incident, and is proving quite hard to shrug off –

Control or controlled?

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010

When I get up at 6:30 in the morning, because I need an extra half an hour to weigh my breakfast and measure out my lunch; then it sometimes crosses my mind that maybe I’ve gone a little overboard with the whole control thing

But, because I’m in a rush (by the time I’ve spent the prescribed minutes eating each regulated teaspoonful in the right order), and as I have become accustomed (over the years) to my drawn out morning routine, I push the thought aside -

Trusting Food

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

Yesterday, I brought a box of chocolate chip cookies.

This is a significant occasion: it has taken over 14 months to trust myself with food again.

After so many planned – and unplanned – food related disasters, I have been slightly wary of anything resembling temptation.

Bulimia’s as corrosive on an emotional level as it is on a physical one: bingeing steals your self control – and then it undermines your self.

Fixated with Food?

Saturday, August 22nd, 2009

It doesn’t take a genius or the horrors of Belsen to illustrate the connection between anorexia and food fixation –

There’s nothing like a touch of starvation to really focus the mind.

Anorexia gets you hooked on an emotional level – but it’s the physical reaction that will really screw with your head.

The Human Calorie Calculator

Saturday, August 1st, 2009

I don’t join in the communal calorie conversations.

As a reformed calorie calculator, I’m trying to de-programme my head and start seeing food as food – and not as a permissible or not permissible number.

The problem is, the worlds’ concurring against me.

There are traffic light systems and calorie counted menus and colour coded packaging and an obesity epidemic vying with a size zero culture -

Carrots and Coriander

Wednesday, July 1st, 2009

I am developing an unexpected interest in the culinary arts. It started with soup and hand blenders, carrots and coriander.

It’s not another unhealthy obsession, I hasten to add; but, I didn’t realise that you could taste pride. Along with organic vegetables and freshly mezzaluna’d herbs.

Who’d have thought that something which had caused me so much pain might actually start to bring me some pleasure? Food feels quite different when you breathe out a little of that guilt and start getting over the fear.

Cooking is becoming strangely therapeutic.

Food Feeds

Saturday, June 20th, 2009

Food has stopped being just food.

We’ve messed around with it all so much that we can’t see the wood for the artificial trees.

We’ve got so caught up in the whole subject that we’ve lost sight of the key feature.

Food feeds.

It’s the human version of fuel.

It’s a natural requirement, not just a lifestyle choice.

It’s easy to forget this.

Because we’ve complicated the subject. Food has been media-ised, stylised and politicised. It’s been written, talked and argued about; finger-pointed at; dissected; analysed; debated; genetically modified.


Deconstructing Food

Monday, June 1st, 2009

I started with Freud and metaphorical mouths, and ended up at “comfort food”. I was being far too complicated. We can keep this deconstruction simple. It doesn’t take a genius to work out the associations.

Comfort Food. Pretty self explanatory. We give a crying baby milk and a heartbroken teenager, maltesers. Chicken soup for flu and macaroni cheese for winter days; custard and crumble for Sundays, and chocolate for when you’re down.

Bulimia links in to comfort. It’s about feeling bad and wanting to feel better. Macaroni cheese and chocolate topped the binge food bill.

Anorexia resists comfort: it’s all about punishment. And the message starts early.