In 1993, I gave up fat for Lent.
In an attempt to be “good” (which I was a little hung up on), and to prove my self discipline (which seemed to be lapsing), and to convince myself, once and for all, that I could stick to my guns; I decided that a period of abstinence was a great way of putting myself on the straight and narrow -
(more…)
For some time now, I have become a little anxious about the frequency with which the word “but” is creeping into my vocabulary.
“Should” has always been bit of a problem for me, but I’d kind of prided myself on my ability to problem solve and think creatively and take the initiative …
The realisation that I automatically see objections – rather than possibilities – is a little sore.
(more…)
Time anaesthetises.
I’d forgotten how bad it felt.
I’d forgotten how many twists and turns an eating disorder can take.
8 years ago, I started looking at the whole process. My aide-memoire: captures the stuff that time heals; gives the whole process a bit of shape – from the first, fatal slip, to full blown subjugation; sheds a little light on how it happens.
As a stroppy teenager, I was above psychiatric boxing. I was, most definitely, not a stereo type.
As a grown up, I appreciate that definitions (not ‘labels’) make things a lot easier. That a checklist diagnostic is a SMART way of doing psychiatry. That even doctors need some guidelines.
Somewhere between these two points, I realised that I might not be as unique as I liked to think that I was. That I possibly shared some interesting similarities with the people that I met in eating disorder units. That there were, perhaps, some common traits that might – just might – have made me more susceptible to an eating disorder.
If the seasonal showings of Big are anything to go by, there is something fascinating about the idea of a child trapped in an adult’s body. The ‘what happens when a child’s mind finds itself in an adult’s form’ question has clearly occurred to other people. It evidently offers some enduring comic currency.
Unless, of course, you’re the one stuck in the wrong body.
