Yesterday I wrote about things that don’t help.
It was one of the hardest posts that I have written. It sent me straight back to some places that I have forced myself not to dwell on; and reminded me of how hard it is to have a voice. Particularly when you’re up against a system and not feeling that great about your own state of mind.
Today, I have been attempting – and failing – to advise other people how to handle these feelings.
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I have always been against lists saying what you should – or shouldn’t – say to someone with an eating disorder. Mine was manipulative enough, without trying to control what other people said.
I have been careful, as I’ve moved through my recovery, to ensure that I take responsibility for my behaviour (whilst appreciating that it was an illness); and that blame is left behind (because it doesn’t do anyone that much good).
Today I was reminded, in an email, of how harmful it can be when your treatment team say the wrong thing.
This confuses my line.
I can understand it when ‘normal people’ muddle along and put their foot in it; but people that are meant to be trained? I thought that the few negative experiences I’d had were unusual, or because eating disorders were newer, at the time, and professionals still had a lot to learn.
Like…
1. Weight gain can be hard to handle, even though it seems (to an outsider) to be a positive thing
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I have been asked to talk about the things that kept my eating disorder going for so long. The ‘maintaining factors’, in medical speak.
It is difficult to answer this now, when the reality of so many lost years feels like an open wound, and, if I could go back and violently shake my previous selves, I would.
It is hard not to turn to myself and say, yes, Melissa, what exactly did you think you were gaining from choosing an eating disorder over the things that most people aspire to, like jobs and husbands and families and friends…
Maintaining factor 1: Oblivion
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Can I just point out that a plastic portioned plate of cold food is not the best recipe for encouraging someone to eat?
Is it only me who realises that high calorie creamed cuisine is likely to be a little bit cloying for someone who is unaccustomed to eating?
If you’re trying to support someone to recover, it’s good to apply a little logic.
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