With a mind that refuses to be quiet and is not very good at slowing – right – down – attempting meditation was always going to be interesting.
It is amazing what you can learn when you’re pinned to a chair trying not to overthink; because, as the facilitator introduced the need to remain mindful – in meditation – and described how to detach a little part of your consciousness to check that you are, indeed, relaxing –
the penny finally dropped.
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Today, I am not fighting.
Tomorrow – or maybe the next day – I’ll pick up whatever weapons I appear to be holding, for whatever battle is reigning that day, and the defences will be up, once again. But today, I am taking a step back – and a big shrug of my shoulders – and going with, rather than against, the flow.
That’s it.
No resistance to what will be.
No shoulds and woulds and musts; expectations, obligations, arguments, internal or otherwise –
Just a little break, in recognition of the beautiful weather; and an overdue – and unscheduled – truce.
So, I am ignoring the voice that is gabbling away in the background, creating chaos in a futile attempt to make sense. And, I have pressed pause on the need to know, and achieve, and justify every tick-tocking second and exactly how each minute has been spent. I have granted guilt – and fear – and control – a public holiday –
Because I am tired, at the moment, of fighting –
And would rather be enjoying the sun.
I am learning how to exercise – in moderation.
I am exploring whether it’s down to genes – or open to all.
Whether it is possible to enjoy the experience – without feeling obliged.
The gym is therefore out, although I’ve given it a shot. As is anything that results in injury; involves excessive dirt or does not consider the unstable state of the UK’s climate.
After veering from one extreme to the other, I’m now playing it safe and taking it slow; and, I’m learning from the experience.
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