Archive for the ‘Lost’ Category
Monday, March 1st, 2010
I am turning 30 on the 6th March.
The occasion is bittersweet.
It has, as birthdays tend to do, sent my mind racing up and down the timeline. Somewhat tragically, the memories don’t hang on the parties or the celebration, but on the particular phase of my eating disorder that each year has become bound up with.
20 through to 25 are pretty much blanks.
Interestingly, the last pre-Eating Disorder party is one of the most poignant, maybe because I hadn’t stopped taking photos at that point or because it feels, sometimes, like I have been frozen in time…
(more…)
Tags: 30, how it feels, isolation
Posted in Finding Melissa, Lost | 4 Comments »
Sunday, February 28th, 2010
I saw the Noisettes playing at the Roundhouse last night.
There’s nothing like a little live music to rouse the soul.
I’ve been a fan for a while and, whilst the performance didn’t disappoint, it was the encore that shot electric currents through the audience. You can always tell a good roundhouse gig from the mood at Chalk Falk tube station. At half 11 last night, it was buzzing.
(more…)
Tags: getting out there, music
Posted in Lost | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, February 24th, 2010
Despite adamantly believing that I would never speak about my eating disorder and vowing that, if I recovered, I would leave it behind me, I have found myself doing rather a lot of talking in recent months.
Provided with some great opportunities by Professor Janet Treasure, I have spoken to students, professionals, and general bods; and, found it a remarkably rewarding process and a real way of being able to change a few perceptions.
(more…)
Tags: Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia, information, size zero, stigma, the science
Posted in Getting Better, Lost | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, February 10th, 2010
There is a little voice in my head that likes to make connections between totally unrelated things. I call it the if-then voice, because this is its favourite line.
If you don’t do that – then this will happen, OR, if you do that – then this will be the result.
It likes to predict the outcome, does the if-then voice. It likes to consider any action – or non action – in terms of what will come next and in line with its own, mysterious, agenda, which is mostly around controlling me.
(more…)
Tags: change, control, OCD, self-acceptance
Posted in Getting Better, Lost | No Comments »
Friday, February 5th, 2010
“Fat”, as a noun, is a “nutritional component of food”, and not a name for myself.
Contrary to the automatic associations, “fat”, as a “nutritional component” is required for healthy functioning.
In moderation, noun “fat” will not make me adjective “fat”; although it may contribute to an alternative meaning: the “tissue made up of cells that contain fat”. This type of “fat” is normal. It’s what keeps us warm and healthy and offers a little protection from the big bad world.
(more…)
Tags: fat, Food, weight
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Monday, February 1st, 2010
I have been asked to talk about the things that kept my eating disorder going for so long. The ‘maintaining factors’, in medical speak.
It is difficult to answer this now, when the reality of so many lost years feels like an open wound, and, if I could go back and violently shake my previous selves, I would.
It is hard not to turn to myself and say, yes, Melissa, what exactly did you think you were gaining from choosing an eating disorder over the things that most people aspire to, like jobs and husbands and families and friends…
Maintaining factor 1: Oblivion
(more…)
Tags: Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia, change, fear
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Sunday, January 31st, 2010
After last year’s bathroom tile debacle, I thought I’d got to the bottom of my indecision; but choosing carpets would suggest that I haven’t got there quite yet.
After a week of yo yo-ing between ivory and almond, and learning the shift patterns of the various Carpet Right staff, I’m clearly still struggling; but, this time, I don’t think the problem is knowing what I want – it’s living with the consequence that’s holding me back.
My head doesn’t do mistakes and it’s certainly not into forgiving.
(more…)
Tags: self discovery, self esteem, self-acceptance, the human head
Posted in Lost | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, January 26th, 2010
For some time now, I have become a little anxious about the frequency with which the word “but” is creeping into my vocabulary.
“Should” has always been bit of a problem for me, but I’d kind of prided myself on my ability to problem solve and think creatively and take the initiative …
The realisation that I automatically see objections – rather than possibilities – is a little sore.
(more…)
Tags: causes, self discovery, self-acceptance, the human head, the philosophical bit
Posted in Finding Melissa, Lost | No Comments »
Wednesday, January 20th, 2010
I have made a terrible mistake.
I chose an eating disorder, over my friends.
It hurts like hell and I didn’t realise what I was doing until I woke up, one day, and understood what I had thrown away –
(more…)
Tags: friends and family, isolation, re-connecting
Posted in Lost | 4 Comments »
Saturday, January 16th, 2010
I seem to be a little squeamish about food.
I am yet to work out whether this is a consequence – or a cause; a commonality – or a quirk that’s peculiar to myself.
It goes back to a peanut in a glass of orange juice incident, and is proving quite hard to shrug off –
(more…)
Tags: Anorexia Nervosa, Eating, Food
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Thursday, January 7th, 2010
I have been feeling a little sick over the past few days.
This is not a good thing.
The last time I was sick was the big d-day; the final swansong before I waved goodbye to a friend that I knew was killing me.
I realised, of course, that there’d be times when I might be ill, or instances when I’d find myself bending over the toilet again, whether I liked it or not; but, I didn’t anticipate the sudden stirring of memories that the once familiar taste of bile would evoke.
Like a horror film, with the flash-lighted-frozen-framed images getting closer and closer, the throbbing in my neck and the somersaulting of my stomach have triggered a slideshow in my head –
And it starts like this.
(more…)
Tags: Bulimia, how it feels, letting Go
Posted in Lost | 2 Comments »
Tuesday, January 5th, 2010
Esme Lennox has got me thinking about madness.
We may not be able to lock people up as easily as we could 60 years ago, but the debate around power and freedom and what happens when you’re declared “unstable” still has currency.
I can kind of relate to Esme’s vanishing act.
It is hard to feel like a half person. When the discussion’s going on around – and about – you; you’re not always sure that you’re there and you’re certainly not sure that your contribution would count.
There’s something about mental illness that disempowers you in a way that no other illness can –
(more…)
Tags: isolation, stigma, the human head
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Sunday, January 3rd, 2010
When I get up at 6:30 in the morning, because I need an extra half an hour to weigh my breakfast and measure out my lunch; then it sometimes crosses my mind that maybe I’ve gone a little overboard with the whole control thing –
But, because I’m in a rush (by the time I’ve spent the prescribed minutes eating each regulated teaspoonful in the right order), and as I have become accustomed (over the years) to my drawn out morning routine, I push the thought aside -
(more…)
Tags: control, Food
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Wednesday, December 30th, 2009
In a horrible echo of how things used to be, I have spent the afternoon trawling the shops, only to return home, empty handed, because what I am looking for can’t be found on a supermarket shelf.
I am finding Christmas quite hard.
In the long unstructured gaps, when people are together or spending time with their other halves, the years that I spent rejecting companionship have come full circle; and, whilst I’m slowly getting back in touch with the world, the gaping hole that the eating disorder has left behind has been highlighted by the holiday season.
(more…)
Tags: christmas, isolation, supermarkets
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Wednesday, December 30th, 2009
I have got my ages out of sync.
In this stopping – and starting – of life, I seem to have mixed up the pivotal phases and got all confused. I didn’t realise that we operated on so many planes: part of me has stalled in 1993 whilst other bits have zoomed off ahead, and we’re not yet on the same page.
I had assumed that time was a constant. I’m not so sure anymore.
The drawn out eating disordered days were disguising the passing of months and years and life events that I have missed out on – irretrievably – because there are certain stages, for certain things; and it’s harder when you’re going against the flow –
(more…)
Tags: Growing Up, self discovery
Posted in Finding Melissa, Lost | No Comments »
Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009
Yesterday, I brought a box of chocolate chip cookies.
This is a significant occasion: it has taken over 14 months to trust myself with food again.
After so many planned – and unplanned – food related disasters, I have been slightly wary of anything resembling temptation.
Bulimia’s as corrosive on an emotional level as it is on a physical one: bingeing steals your self control – and then it undermines your self.
(more…)
Tags: Bulimia, Food
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Sunday, December 20th, 2009
My bulimia loved a bargain.
When most of the money that passed through my hands seemed to end up being flushed down the toilet pan; BOGOFs and ‘special offers’ and 50% extras felt like a godsend. A little cut priced bingeing stretched the pennies further and completely overrode any quantity control: why stop at one when the second’s free – and the third and fourth can be saved for tomorrow.
(more…)
Tags: Bulimia, supermarkets
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Friday, December 18th, 2009
Outside, the snow is ankle deep and shot through with black ice.
Twice this morning, I have seen a frail figure, clad in leggings and a thick woolly hat, run past my window.
This is why I am writing this website.
Anorexia does not do holidays and it certainly doesn’t do days off.
This is why the message is so important.
If she falls, she will break.
This is why I’m telling my secrets -
Because the prisoner running up and down the road whilst the rest of the world is wrapped up in warmth or shouting with laughter reminds me of where I’ve come from –
And where too many people seem to be going -
If we don’t change the trend.
Tags: Anorexia Nervosa, sign of the times
Posted in In context, Lost | No Comments »
Monday, December 14th, 2009
Flashing lights and ambulance sirens and the mutterings of paramedics and this is the break point. This is the moment when I’m scared that I might have gone too far.
Hospital beds at three in the morning with a wired up heart and an alarm that keeps beeping and this is the life change. This is the instant when I can see what I’m about to lose.
And, in that precariously balanced moment, when I’m not sure which side of the fine line I’ll end up on, and I’m terrified that it will be the wrong one; this is the promise that I make to myself –
No going back.
(more…)
Tags: Anorexia Nervosa, lessons, relapse
Posted in Lost | 2 Comments »
Tuesday, December 8th, 2009
This is what I remember when a cut price box of Chocolate goodies feels too good a bargain to miss; or the buy one get seven free offers would save me money in the wrong run, because I’m just going to end up succumbing to the temptation –
Stop.
What I am really paying for is a particularly violent binge, after which (and if I’m still standing) I will feel like death – for the sake of a bargain.
(more…)
Tags: Bulimia, christmas
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Monday, December 7th, 2009
I had a sudden urge to cut my wrists on the way to work this morning.
It caught me, unawares, when I thought that things were on the straight and even, and I was better now thank you very much.
No trigger.
No warning.
Just a sudden, violent, surge of desperation that over-powered me –
Nearly.
(more…)
Tags: relapse, self destruction, self harm
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Monday, December 7th, 2009
Christmas was a bit of a double whammy for my eating disorder.
The bulimia was in seventh heaven (with a touch of hell); the anorexia was on a permanent state of alert; and I was bouncing between the two.
(more…)
Tags: christmas
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Tuesday, December 1st, 2009
We are programmed to forget pain.
This is a luxury of human biology but it makes it a little difficult to articulate an experience: the edge is softened with time.
Maybe this is why relapse happens (we forget how bad it really was); or why it’s so difficult to understand and empathise with the eating disorder experience.
Even I find it difficult to identify with my ill self now that I am a little stronger.
(more…)
Tags: Anorexia Nervosa, how it feels
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Sunday, November 22nd, 2009
Filled pasta is my proof that there’s life after an eating disorder –
And that you can do things that you didn’t think that you would be able to do.
(more…)
Tags: Bulimia, Eating, recovery
Posted in Lost | 1 Comment »
Saturday, August 22nd, 2009
It doesn’t take a genius or the horrors of Belsen to illustrate the connection between anorexia and food fixation –
There’s nothing like a touch of starvation to really focus the mind.
Anorexia gets you hooked on an emotional level – but it’s the physical reaction that will really screw with your head.
(more…)
Tags: Anorexia Nervosa, Food, living with it
Posted in Lost | 1 Comment »
Saturday, August 8th, 2009
An eating disorder makes you someone that you’re not.
At first, it made me a liar; then it turned me into an animal; for a while, it made me feel like a fraud; and, then it decided that I was nobody.
Or so it felt.
Jekyll and Hyde and the multiples of me has been ringing around my head for all these years and I couldn’t explain it until I’d put some of the pieces back together; until I started to get re-acquainted with the real me.
(more…)
Tags: how it feels, living with it
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Saturday, August 1st, 2009
Depression. It’s a loosely used term. It’s bandied around a bit, used to add a touch of drama. I’m guilty of the charge. I’d forgotten that drama feels far too draining when you’re depressed. I’ve become blasé with my terminology: you don’t take depression lightly.
It’s bitterly cruel.
It’s totally indiscriminate.
It’s an emotional and physical and mental hijacking.
“There’s a certain Slant of light,
Winter Afternoons —
That oppresses, like the Heft
Of Cathedral Tunes —
Heavenly Hurt, it gives us —
We can find no scar,
But internal difference,
Where the Meanings, are —
(more…)
Tags: depression, poetry and prose
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Tuesday, July 28th, 2009
Sometimes, it would get me in the middle of the night.
They don’t warn you about that.
Sometimes, the addiction would penetrate through my sleep; and, I’d find myself, bleary eyed and sleep headed, standing in the kitchen trying to assemble a pile of food.
While outside was still and sleeping and time seemed suspended, I’d be retching my guts up in my own private world.
(more…)
Tags: Bulimia, living with it
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Saturday, July 25th, 2009
I’ve managed to cover quite a lot of ground without mentioning anorexia. I’ve sidestepped the key feature. Managed to avoid any serious discussion.
It’s been a bit of a pattern, this whole denial avoidance discomfort thing.
It’s an indication of how incredibly difficult and entangled it all is. It’s an indication of how exhausting and monotonous and ingrained it all becomes.
But there are things that need to be said and bits that I need to work out.
There’s a whole misunderstood epidemic out there that I seem to have got unintentionally caught up in.
And I’m really hoping that what I learnt was part of the reason.
Tags: Anorexia Nervosa
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Saturday, July 11th, 2009
“This is the Hour of Lead—
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow—
First—Chill—then Stupor—then the letting go—”
Extract from Emily Dickinson
Tags: letting Go, poetry and prose
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Sunday, July 5th, 2009
On Thursday, it will be 11 months since I last threw up.
In one month and 5 days, it will be a whole year since I last threw up.
At first, I counted the hours. Then hours became days and weeks and then months. After trying and failing for so long, these things are important.
(more…)
Tags: Bulimia
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Saturday, July 4th, 2009
Secrecy is key to bulimia. It’s what the condition demands. It’s what it depends on. And it’s not difficult to go along with when you consider the amount of shame that the whole process involves.
I’m about to break the rules.
Given the depths that bulimia has taken me to and the price that I have paid, I feel that a little frankness is in order.
Even if it’s not pretty.
Even if it’s incredibly scary.
(more…)
Tags: Bulimia
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Friday, July 3rd, 2009
Reading about the effects of bulimia always seemed to result in me throwing up even more.
It seemed like the only way of managing my fear. The only way of proving that what I was reading or hearing was not true. A kind of tempting fate just to see what will happen because at the pit of your stomach you suspect it’s bad scenario.
This isn’t going to stop me from saying what happens. It just comes with a little advice. Don’t let it scare you; that’s part of the problem.
(more…)
Tags: Bulimia
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Friday, July 3rd, 2009
I am having to write this bit quickly. Before I lose my nerve. Before I get too caught up in worrying about what people will think. In the implications of self exposure.
This is the problem with talking about bulimia. This is why it’s such a big secret. This is why it puts a big brick wall up between you and the rest of the world.
(more…)
Tags: Bulimia
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Thursday, July 2nd, 2009
My one-cigarette-less-a-day cut down method was a great act of self delusion.
Hey, it was fine to smoke right down to the burning lip line and inhale as deeply as physically possible – because those cigarettes were ‘allocated’. They were okay. And it was fine to fantasise about smoking, it was completely understandable to count down the minutes to the next cigarette – because you had your quota to go with.
The outcome’s no surprise. 10 mysteriously grows to 11. Which, following an unexpected crisis, becomes 12. Then 13 –a one off. And then the floodgates are opened.
Before I really realised what was happening, I was back to where I started, and the only lesson I’d learnt was that giving up smoking was all about deprivation and preoccupation and frustrated desire.
And that I was hooked on something that would probably kill me.
It’s just the same with bulimia.
The self delusion was identical.
(more…)
Tags: Addiction, Bulimia
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Wednesday, July 1st, 2009
Giving up any addiction is a challenge.
Giving up bulimia feels doubly difficult because you can’t just take food out of the equation.
I don’t think there is one hard, fast and proven-to-be-effective way out of bulimia. It is a strange and precarious mix of circumstance and determination and planning and support and being prepared to go through the uncertainty and the unknown.
It’s hard to get it right first time round.
(more…)
Tags: Bulimia, change
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Sunday, June 28th, 2009
Anorexia is not very honest. It tells you things that aren’t true – you eat too much – and makes you tell other people things that aren’t true – I eat enough. Bulimia’s similar although the lies are slightly different. I imagine that other eating disorders operate along the same lines of deception.
It’s not a conscious deceit – it’s all about the illness taking control. If something tells you that black is white enough times, you start to believe it. At the very least, you start to question whether black is white.
Honesty’s hard when your minds being addled. When you’re lying to yourself, lying to others is path of the course. And it makes everything a whole lot easier.
Talking about an eating disorder is humiliating. You do things that you wouldn’t normally do.
(more…)
Tags: Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Saturday, June 27th, 2009
I’m familiar with instant gratification.
It’s what binging and bulimia thrive on. Strong desire; fast food; instant gratification.
Food is one form; according to the media, consumerism is another.
I agree. The parallels don’t surprise me. Having spent much of 2003 to 2005 in supermarkets, I’m familiar with the lure.
When you’re in the middle of a great gaping emotional void, shops are quite appealing. They’re a preoccupation and then a full time occupation. When nothing feels particularly great, they’re a haven of soft lighting and soothing music and promises. When you want, they provide – with the drip drip drip of addiction: the gratification may be instant, but the satisfaction doesn’t last much longer.
It wears off pretty quick – and just leaves you wanting more.
(more…)
Tags: Addiction, sign of the times, supermarkets, the 1990s
Posted in In context, Lost | No Comments »
Saturday, June 20th, 2009
I can tell you this now.
It’s the loneliness that will get you.
Not the hunger, or the worrying, or the rituals, or the paranoia.
Not even the fear of getting fat.
It’s the loneliness that’s the real killer.
The longer you’re ill, the worse it is.
It makes sense really; time is a precious commodity and there’s only so much waiting for recovery that people can take. Life may stop for you – but it keeps on going for the rest of the world.
The irony is that you want to be left alone for the first bit. You want people not to ask and not to worry and not to expect anything.
Don’t worry. They’ll stop.
(more…)
Tags: how it feels, isolation
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Friday, June 19th, 2009
Parking my car is a long process. The wheels must be lined up parallel to the third pavement slab in. The back wheel must rest in the correct dent in the drive. Radio 1 must be tuned in. All personal belongings are to be removed– bar Dylan the Donkey who must lie in the correct position. The handbrake is checked. Twice. And a four door clockwise circle is completed each time the car is passed, ending with the driver door.
Welcome to the wonderful world of OCD.
(more…)
Tags: OCD
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Thursday, June 18th, 2009
People often say that acknowledgement is the first step to recovery. It means you’re half way there.
I beg to disagree.
Admitting that you’ve got an eating disorder is a step on the way to recovery. Admitting that you’re ill is a turning point. And there’s a difference.
I owned up to my eating disorder pretty early on. I didn’t get the illness bit quite so quickly. For a while, the eating disorder was a big character flaw; then, a badge of pride; for many years, my identity – but rarely an illness.
You don’t catch an eating disorder like you catch the flu. There’s an element of choice, however subconscious, that complicates everything. That makes it harder to consider an eating disorder as an illness – and not a lifestyle choice or a fad or a prolonged and painful suicide.
You could argue any of the latter quite easily – but they’re irrelevant. If you want to get better, you’ve got to realise that you’re ill.
You’ve got to move beyond the blame and the embarrassment and the guilt – and realise that, when you’re ill, you need to get better.
Tags: recovery
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Wednesday, June 17th, 2009
Piece by piece, I am slowly letting go.
Step by slow step, I am gradually saying goodbye.
It is a long and painful process. I have been here before, but not this far down the road, not this close to freedom, not this scared and strangely empty.
(more…)
Tags: change, letting Go
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
Emily Dickinson didn’t mince her words. It’s bizarre to think that, even 100 years ago, people felt like I do. Strangely reassuring, particularly given the subject matter – imprisonment and isolation.
A prison gets to be a friend,
Between its ponderous face
And ours a kinsmanship express;
And in its narrow eyes
We come to look with gratitude
For the appointed beam
It deal us, sated as our food
And hungered for the same.
(more…)
Tags: how it feels, poetry and prose
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
When you’re sick, you want to get better.
Unfortunately, it’s rarely that straightforward with an eating disorder. It’s never just an illness – it takes a while to even recognise it in this guise – and it’s hard to work out whether it’s a friend or an enemy.
Because it’s both.
The paradox screws with your head.
The dichotomy makes moving on and getting better a real challenge.
Ironically, it’s also the key to recovery.
(more…)
Tags: letting Go, living with it
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Monday, June 15th, 2009
My head is tuned in to minor thirds. It resonates with clashing chords. It connects, on some fundamental and physical level, with melancholy despair, with violent lyrics.
There’s a certain type of song that sounds like my eating disorder feels; that mirrors the despair and the desperation of my anorexia; taps into the violence and anger of my bulimia; and provokes an almost physical reaction – a stunned recognition – followed by an overpowering sense of sadness and pain.
I had an epiphany on the way to work one morning. Somewhere between St Albans and Hatfield, when Amy Winehouse had reduced me to tears, I realised what my response was all about.
(more…)
Tags: depression, self destruction, the human head
Posted in Being Human, Lost | No Comments »
Monday, June 15th, 2009
I think I may have mistaken concern for care, confused professional curiosity with personal interest. I think I may have become accustomed to being looked after, grown used to the attention.
There’s nothing like a chronic eating disorder to rally up a medical army. It does a great job of ensuring that you’re well looked after, takes you right back to a parent child scenario – and it’s not hard to guess which seat you’re occupying.
It feels like a safer place to be. It feels like you’re special.
For a while. But then, like a child throwing a tantrum, you find yourself cranking up the volume. It’s not always a conscious thing – you’ve just got to work that little bit harder to get the same response.
(more…)
Tags: letting Go, living with it
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Monday, June 15th, 2009
Anorexia doesn’t just mess around with physical growth; it also screws up emotional growth. Putting on weight may sort out the physical side; but, in some ways, the emotional one takes longer to fix. 2 stone of physical growth may feel daunting. 17 years of emotional growth is even more so.
Particularly when you’ve become accustomed to keeping your emotions under wraps.
This is what my eating disorder was particularly adept at. It was one of its more honed skills.
Stopping emotions.
Dead.
(more…)
Tags: how it feels
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Thursday, June 11th, 2009
“’We perished, each alone.’” – Virigina Woolf
Maybe isolation is so scary because it’s the closest that we get to death – while we’re still alive. Maybe it’s so horrific and terrifying because it’s the delicate difference between life – with other people – and death – when we’re on our own.
(more…)
Tags: isolation, poetry and prose
Posted in Lost | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
“It’s all right. Tomorrow I’ll be pretty again, tomorrow I’ll be happy again, tomorrow, tomorrow…..”
Jean Rhys, ‘Good Morning, Midnight’
If you’re a member of the tomorrow brigade, stop now.
Tomorrow will never come.
It took me fifteen years of waiting for tomorrow to learn this.
Tomorrow, I won’t throw up. Tomorrow, it will be okay to eat. Tomorrow, I’ll start again. Tomorrow, I’ll feel different….
(more…)
Tags: change, lightbulb moments, poetry and prose
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
There’s a high probability that I’ve fractured my ankle. The irony in the situation is fantastic. I’ve been paranoid about it for years and then, when I am least expecting it. Wham.
Another reminder that we’re not infallible.
Another reminder that you can’t control everything.
Another reminder that we’re small fry in the grand scheme of things.
I’ll explain how my random chain of thoughts all links up.
(more…)
Tags: control, lightbulb moments
Posted in Lost | No Comments »
