It’s easy to know when you have lost a physical item – it’s not there when you want it. Knowing that you have lost your identity is not so obvious. You don’t often pick yourself up before leaving for the office in the morning. You don’t often check to see that you’re still there.
You just wake up one morning and realise that you have got lost.
That all the things that made you you are not there anymore and that all the things that you have become and all the things that you do feel like they’re coming from somewhere someone else…..
An eating disorder is a gradual erosion.
It’s a chip chip chipping away.
A squeezing squashing compression; a slow, insidious takeover that removes all traces of an individual, erases all suggestion of an identity, dominates thoughts, actions, feelings….and articulates one devastating message: “without me, you are nothing”…..
It is a lie.
You’ve just got a bit lost along the way.