When I get up at 6:30 in the morning, because I need an extra half an hour to weigh my breakfast and measure out my lunch; then it sometimes crosses my mind that maybe I’ve gone a little overboard with the whole control thing –
But, because I’m in a rush (by the time I’ve spent the prescribed minutes eating each regulated teaspoonful in the right order), and as I have become accustomed (over the years) to my drawn out morning routine, I push the thought aside -
(more…)
There’s a high probability that I’ve fractured my ankle. The irony in the situation is fantastic. I’ve been paranoid about it for years and then, when I am least expecting it. Wham.
Another reminder that we’re not infallible.
Another reminder that you can’t control everything.
Another reminder that we’re small fry in the grand scheme of things.
I’ll explain how my random chain of thoughts all links up.
I have been scared of the thought police for a long time. The notion’s not as fantastical as it sounds. It’s just a little more internal.
In Orwell’s fabulous 1984, the thought police are out there. In my experience, they’re in your head. We know what we should and shouldn’t think. We’re well versed in checking our thoughts and the cautionary ‘I know I shouldn’t think this but’ type of apologies; accustomed to self policing what we do and don’t say to ourselves.
It’s probably okay in moderation. It’s probably part of our development into moral and ethical beings; of learning where the boundaries are.
I just tend to take things to extremes – and it’s taken me a while to appreciate that your imagination’s a very different landscape to the one out there.
