So this is the plan….

Last year, a friend said that I would have to step away from Finding Melissa at some point. I knew that she was right because it pushed the ‘this is true but I don’t want to hear it’ button. Her argument? I would need to separate my identity from the eating disorder and create a new space where I could start to explore the other parts of my self.

It has been on my mind for a while now. I have got myself in knots around my Twitter profile (something I’ll come back to in a minute); and been increasingly aware of the sense that this might be the right time –

Finding Melissa means the world to me. The thought of not writing on it is terrifying – but the only way to override a fear is to go through it, and discover what happens on the other side.

I have been wondering about how, exactly, I should do this. Whether the lines have to be as absolute as I presume them to be and it must be one – or the other. What the fears are really about. Whether there is a right or wrong way for doing this sort of thing…

I don’t have any answers. But I do have a kinda plan.

Finding Melissa

There are a few things that I still want to write about in relation to my eating disorder, particularly in light of the past few months. I don’t want to end on a low point, nor be closed off should any ED related topics arise.

So, for the moment, I’ll post any eating disorder specific stuff over here; but I will be writing about the next stage of my journey on a shiny new blog. I don’t want to get into dividing myself into sections because the context informs the adventure – but it is the most logical transition that I can see.

I’ll still be doing the related ED activism stuff (because it’s where I come from, and I am desperate to help); and I’ll also be leaving Finding Melissa online, in case any of the more general earlier writing is of use.

@findingmelissa

I love my Twitter community. I’m not sure of the exact overlap of readers between here and there, but I have made some great connections and some really special friends.

I am not good with change at the best of times. I’ve been tying myself in knots around this one.

I considered a simple re-naming… but would always feel that that was dishonest to those who were following me in relation to Finding Melissa -

And, so, I’ve decided to set another profile up.

The tweets will inevitably be the same (I am after all, still me), but using my name feels important now, and a way to start exploring other ways of defining me.

@findingmelissa will continue (for the moment), in relation to blog updates and ED news, but I will also be tweeting the same plus more at @issawolfe. I’d really love to connect with anyone who’s on Twitter there.

A few question marks

I don’t know whether the order or the strategy is right.

I have ummed and ahhed over whether or not to write about what I am doing. Have questioned whether I have made it all too complicated – or whether anyone will actually care. Have been trying to find the right time, in the right way –

I don’t know what that is. So I’m jumping into the unknown –

And hoping that I land.

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13 Responses to “So this is the plan….”

  1. Akamemily says:

    Change is hard, but it sounds like this is a positive change. It’s funny, but I did the opposite. I had a Twitter account linked to my name, but when I decided to use Twitter as a support for ED recovery I opened a second account. My use of the two streams varies, but I really appreciate have 2 different outlets. I hope you will find the same to be true for you.

  2. Claire says:

    /jumps with you

  3. WG says:

    I like the header on the new blog.

    teehee…

    Seriously, very excited for you. New Year, New Blog and all that. But.. not throwing out all the geniusness that has gone before, rather building on it as on a strong foundation.

    Best of luck to you Issa, I’m sure we will all be stalking you senseless wherever you go.

    XX

  4. Karita says:

    Another one for stalking you wherever you are… ;-)

  5. :)

    I look forward to reading your new blog. Good luck.

  6. @anorexias_real says:

    It sounds like such a big, but also a positive step. Possible hiding behind @findingmelissa you have actually been unable to find melissa. (im not saying you have been hiding, but you know what i mean?)

    Maybe having a new profile and a new name – your name – will allow you to actually BE melissa and you will discover who you are that way.

    I am pleased to hear, which was my first worry, that you will still be continuing with the ED Activism! I know in myself this is a massive part of my life and really helps me too.

    I think you should, embrace this new chance to move on and move up the ladder towards the dizzy heights of recovery. You may feel that you havent found mellissa yet, but maybe you don’t need to to move on. Maybe you have found her enough to let go and to discover even more.

    When Chris Columbus set out to find America, he didnt set out to find america, he set out on a world of discovery and he just found whatever he found.

    It may feel quite daunting, but in a way, without leaving it behind in whatever physical, mental or cyber-world way you feel is right is a massive step forward.

    Good Luck,
    Here if you need

    @anorexias_real

  7. icedgem27 says:

    @findingmelissa
    I really wanted to wish you all the very best with this change. I’ve been working on separating parts of my life where ED isn’t allowed to go. It’s freeing and at the same time scary and difficult to remember where the boundaries lie. I’ve found myself commenting on FB (one of my ED free zones) status updates that are ED driven. I really hope it works for you, like, now I’m getting the hang of it, this separation has made a difference to me.
    p.s. @icedgem27 on twitter if you want to follow me. I’ve set up to follow your @issawolfe
    hugs

  8. I’m jumping right with you! I changed the name and focus of my blog because I felt I needed to move to the next step and be fully recovery oriented, instead of immersed in anorexia. I also plan to explore and post writings that are not eating disorder-related.

    I need to find myself underneath the layers of anorexia, and without the crutch of always returning to it (which writing about it triggered.) 2011 will be the year of *no relapse* and no return to my eating disorder. I am fighting hard to live now and look forward with hope, and I wish you the same.

    Change is scary, but in the end it will make us both healthier!!!

  9. Splinteredones says:

    You go kiddo!

  10. Grace says:

    Supporting you wherever, Gracex

  11. Evan says:

    Congratulations on taking the next step/leap.

  12. boxelboy says:

    i think its a good idea. change is hard even when it’s for the right reasons and i love your new blog title, really positive x

  13. Pandora says:

    Good for you lovely! Hope you’ll still be coming to the Mad Ups ;)

    Good luck, big hugs and see you at @issawolfe and the new blog :)

    Pan xxx