Checking In

I am just checking in.

It feels important to do this, although it has been less than a week.

I am aware that I have a tendency for flitting between things. For jumping so quickly that I cut myself off from where I have come from and end up, ultimately, feeling a bit lost.

I don’t want this to happen. I want the journey to be exciting and unpredictable – but not fractured or divorced.

And so, this is a little update. A kind of check in with myself to see how the past week has been and whether I’m as okay as I seem. That amongst the excitement of my new blog and some fun nights out, I haven’t skimmed over the other stuff or buried my head in the sand about what else might be going on –

And I don’t think I have. I think I’m coming out of the other side, and that having something new and exciting to focus on has really helped.

So, in comparison to last month, things are much improved. The gaps between binges and purges are getting longer, and most days the thought doesn’t even cross my head. It certainly lacks the intensity of a few weeks ago where I wasn’t sure how I would turn it around. My mouth is slowly healing. Not quite back to normal but feeling a little less painful every day –

And I can’t work out how the transition happened. I can’t quite describe the steps that moved me from there to here. Keeping busy helped; other people helped; talking helped; going back to three structured meals and a few snacks a day helped; work helped –

And feeling the grip loosen is giving me the courage and hope to keep moving on.

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5 Responses to “Checking In”

  1. Michael says:

    I’m kinda glad I stayed up for this. I’d say this: Moving forward never means forgetting where you came from, just the recognition that it’s time to move. I’m excited for you, and seeing you stay in touch with every part of your journey is an awesomely wise thing to do.

  2. Evan says:

    Great to hear. Keep moving forward!

  3. Jo says:

    “And I can’t work out how the transition happened. I can’t quite describe the steps that moved me from there to here.”

    I love this, because it is a) so true, and b) it seems so right. Because it is so natural not to binge and purge, and so not knowing how it stops, is almost as if you are just becoming yourself again.

    xx

  4. Well done. That is brilliant. :D I am so pleased for you.

  5. Maddy says:

    Just wanted to say as a new (and now committed) follower that your words are truly inspiring. After struggling for years it is so lovely to hear that others feel similar emotions and have the same thoughts as me. I only hope that I can move on and help encourage others too in the way your blog’s are.
    Thank you x