Over Analysis

I was sitting in the pub the other night complaining that I didn’t understand how people “did” relationships and met their other halves and found that one connection when there are so many people in the world and also no fish left in the sea – when my friend stopped me, and said that the problem wasn’t me, it was practice.


She is spot on. What happens when you’re not hiding from the world, for whatever reason and through whichever medium, is that you get to practice being with other people and learning how it all works.

I am still catching up on this bit.

The conversation stayed with me, not least because it gave me an action plan for tackling an area that has felt, recently, like a closed off brick wall; but also because it highlighted the other stuff that goes on around the analysis.

Self awareness is not something I lack – its practice that I’m short on; and, unfortunately, the two don’t equate. Lots of one will not compensate for a little of the other – and the interaction between thought and action can change the direction again.

This is what recovery taught me, although the lesson was a long time coming.

You can not think it out.

It gets easier with practice.

It can feel, before you start practicing, like you will never be able to make it to the end – but doing moves you forward, and the movement changes the knowledge and the perspective that goes in.

I guess the same is true for other areas of life. That there is a bit beyond analysis where you just learn by experience. Where you have to accept that you can’t think life out in isolation and you have to realise that practice is part of the process –

Rather than waiting until you’ve figured out all the gaps.

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5 Responses to “Over Analysis”

  1. Kristine says:

    Hi Melissa! I’m a new reader and I just wanted to leave a comment to say that I am blown away at how raw and beautiful and poetic your posts are. I can’t wait to read more!

  2. The simplicity of that advice is so powerful. I believe that recovery is about both insight and practice. And often individuals spend so much time in their minds trying to “figure it out” rather than getting out there and delving into the vulnerability that awaits them. But it’s all about delving in and facing the scary parts to get the not-so-scary parts. Fabulous post.

  3. girlundiscovered says:

    ‘Love’ and ‘relationships’ – despite the many magazine articles and books on the subject – are definitely doing words! Making as broad a range of friends, and meeting lots of new people, is one way to get out there and start testing the waters – practising.

    I think if we were to think of meeting someone in terms of meeting the one person for us out of the billions out there, it would feel daunting. It’s more likely that there are lots of people who we could potentially develop good realtionships with – it’s just exploring to see what fits best and is most comfy for both people.

    Some things, I think, don’t fit any sort of formula, and this is one of them.

  4. Hi Melissa,
    Just discovered your blog having watched your Gresham College lecture and just wanted to leave a comment having read this post and explored your Blog. Congratulations on your recovery and continued focus on wellness, your honesty and openess is inspirational.

  5. I feel like i could have written this!! thanks for the fantastic insight-it spoke right to me!