I developed anorexia before I really went through puberty. On the edge of womanhood, I sunk just before the major changes kicked in. This meant that, aside from a brief spell post my first inpatient treatment and a few months when things seemed to be on the up, I haven’t had periods. My last one was in 1996 or 97. As regular readers of my blog will know, I’ve been quite upset about this (here and here).
I’ve been at a normal BMI for nearly a year now; and, as I’ve watched my peers begin families and enter the next stage of their life, I’ve been left wondering whether I really have closed some doors that might have been open and if I will ever be able to repair the damage that I might have done.
There doesn’t seem a huge amount of research in this area. It has been hard to find any answers.
This isn’t the kind of thing I’d normally announce online, but my periods came back yesterday. I don’t know much about the medical stuff, but I think that this means I will be okay. I guess it proves that there’s always hope. It would, at least, explain why I have been such so hormonal and stressy over the past few days. ..
I don’t know what this means for my fertility. My GP has always been wildly optimistic, so maybe it’s time I started trusting his “the body will repair itself” mentality. That is, however, all some time off, so I’m just going to focus on the fact that I appear, finally, to be on my way.
Tags: Anorexia, fertility, hope, recovery
Whoa, Melissa. This is huge and you’ve got every right to feel confused, upset and ’stressy’. It’s a headtrip and underpins so much – body doubts, relationships, sense of self, future, past and so on. You went on and pushed your comfort zones (dancing and baking!) in spite of it – you are brave and amazing for doing so.
I feel like an imposter cutting in and commenting on ‘Girl Stuff’ but this really resonates with my own experience with puberty and anorexia (it all developed around crucial ‘maturing’ time and my eating disorder was linked to testosterone deficiency and problems developing). There are so many questions (can I have children? What does this mean for me with regard to relationships and feelings? Will things change naturally? Is it ED related or something else?) that it’s almost too much to cope with.
Huge hugs – it takes a hell of a lot to confront something so personal and you carried on anyway. Inspiring and thought-provoking, thanks and best wishes.
I just read this. The day you posted it was my birthday.
I am happy for you.