The Transition

I am leaving my job tomorrow.

I’ve been harping on about it for ages, but I’m now feeling rather scared.

There’s lots of stuff about bad employers and discrimination. Mine have always looked after me rather well.

I walked through the rotating glass door with a whole load of eating disorder baggage; and am walking out with a significantly smaller parcel, and the sense that I’ve proven myself and might be able to forge a career.

During the three years I’ve been working here, I’ve stopped bingeing, survived two near-death experiences and one gum graft, reached a normal weight for the first time in 16 years, dropped a 20 a day habit, ….and I probably wouldn’t have been able to do it on my own.

I definitely wouldn’t have been able to do it on my own.

So my job has been a reason to get up in the morning and a reason to keep myself well. It has been a way of proving that yes, I am far more than an eating disorder; and, actually, there’s some exciting things that I want to do with my life. It has taught me that I can function in the adult world – and given me some great pointers on how to succeed; let me grow up on fast forward, and given me free run to explore just how much I might be able to do. It’s put up with me when I’ve been manic, and pulled me up when I’ve been down, and helped me learn how to get a bit of the stability that’s so important as I’m moving ahead…

I think I’ve made the right decision and I know I need to move on –

But when I say goodbye tomorrow, I won’t just be leaving a nine to five or an income – I’ll be closing the door on a major transition in my life, and saying goodbye to some people who’ve been incredibly important along the way.

Related: Working Nine to Five

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9 Responses to “The Transition”

  1. James says:

    Brilliant – transitions are always going to be hard but just make sure that you remember that your old (or almost old) job is one part of you and not the definitive factor.

    Just make sure that you enjoy your final day. When you’ve absorbed it and said all the goodbyes, remember that the future is really, really exciting.

    Go Melissa!

  2. You write beautifully Melissa and the journey you have reflected on in this post is joyful in some many ways and a story of hope and encouragement to all who read it, not just people who have experienced eating disorders. I come across a lot of fear in my work as a coach and I think you are brave and strong for tuning into your inner voice that says it’s time to move on. I don’t know why the world was ever compared to an oyster but there’s sure to be lots of pearly moments if you make it so. Enjoy yourself!

  3. magicplum says:

    Lots of luck for tommorow hun, will be thinking of you. Many more adventures lie ahead of you! :-) xx

  4. I wish I could say the same about my job! Sadly in the past few months my job has *given* me issues, so I’ll just be glad to get rid of it in a month’s time!

    But it sounds like you’ve had a great experience with your job, and really developed as a result of it. I’m really happy to hear that, and it gives me faith that not all jobs are as crushing as mine has become! :)

    ~PS-55

  5. WG says:

    This is all so exciting. :)

  6. j says:

    I’m excited for you. I know how scary it is. It’s another step toward flight.

  7. girlundiscovered says:

    Hi Melissa,

    First, I hope that your last day in your current job went really well, that you didn’t get too teary and you got a great big gift! :-)

    Secondly, I just wanted to say that this was a really inspiring post. I started to read with trepidation as my own work situation is less than happy, and wondered if all it would do was make me feel jealous. Once I started to read, however, it made me reflect on where I am now and how I might see it in time to come. Whilst I am not happy now, perhaps when the time comes for me to move on, I’ll be able to take a lot from it, like you have, and see it as another positive step in my recovery.

    I’d been talking about this with my counsellor, and it can be hard to tell how much of my unhappiness in any given situation is me, and how much is the situation. Right now, I don’t think I’m ready to move on from this job. I need time to develop more confidence and self-esteem; to feel like I’m worth that bit more and to trust in my own decisions. But when I do, I hope to be able to look back on this time through positive eyes, like yourself.

  8. NB says:

    Melissa, you have positively bloomed over the last months and were radiant today as you walked off the floor. Your time in the wings is over -after your long journey the spotlight on the stage is shining brightly and it eagerly awaits your arrival. Enjoy xx

  9. Melissa says:

    Sorry for the delay in responding to the comments everyone – as you can imagine, it’s all been a bit stressful and hectic, so I’m afraid I’m going in with one long comment back!

    Firstly, thanks so much for the support – it means a huge amount at the moment. A huge amount.

    James, Magicplum and WG – you’re fab and thanks for helping me get this far!

    Jessica – thanks so much for the lovely comment and it’s a really important reminder that I’m now entering the more ‘normal’ ups and downs of life, which is a huge positive in itself. I’m hoping that there are lots of pearls!…

    PS – I’m sorry you’ve had a hard time. I have been incredibly incredibly fortunate and certainly proved that work can really help mental health – or it did for me, anyway. Hopefully the message will spread…

    Girl undiscovered – Thanks for sharing and I can really relate to where you’re at. It most definitely is one challenge at a time, so I think it’s important to trust yourself that you’ll sense when the time is right. In the meantime, hang in there and keep going!

    j – I love that you’re cheering me on. ;D

    NB – Thanks so much – I didn’t realise you knew about my blog and am totally touched! I very much hope you’re right re timing…otherwise, you’ll see me again in a few months time! xx