If you know the secret to patience, I’d love you to share it with me. Patience is a virtue I certainly do not have.
I’ve been waiting for things all week, and it’s left me somewhere between frazzled – and totally burned out. I like things straight away, please, before they might run out or run away…And yes, I know that I am a grown woman.
I also like to know exactly what’s coming and when it will arrive; so there’s some control and anxiety bubbling around in there as well, just to heighten the experience.
This is nothing new – I just haven’t sat with it before. It was one of the key feelings I tried to get rid of during my illness; either by not wanting (so not waiting), or by changing the direction with the violence of a purge. If you want things, you might be disappointed. If you’re excited about something, bingeing offers an alternative high and one that resets the equilibrium…in a very flawed way.
So, excitement – and the need for patience – and managing unpredictability – are all things that are quite new to me; and good, because it means there’s lots to look forward to – but bad, because they kind of mess around with my head and mean that I’m always trying to catapult myself ahead…
A lovely quote from Eckhart Tolle kind of summed up what I think is happening: “Stress is caused by being ‘here’ but wanting to be ‘there.” This is what impatience is all about, for me. The next step, the next thing, the next certainty.
Now.
Of course, life doesn’t really work on these terms. You have to wait for things and you have to appreciate that some things happen – and others don’t…. But it would be good to have a few strategies or approaches to dealing with the interim period, so to speak. To help me learn how to be patient – or, at least, how not to burn myself out.
Any ideas?
Tags: Control, emotional healing, letting Go, patience
Same question from me and I really need to get better at accepting interim periods and not get so riled up and frustrating while I wait.
Apart from gritting your teeth and distracting yourself with other things instead of focusing on what your waiting for, I think I’m a bit clueless. Any other ideas would be brilliant!
Great resonant post as ever.
Some ideas I have.
Distracting ourselves – finding something that occupies enough of our attention. This comes in two forms – gripping stuff (a good book or movie, or conversation with a friend, or a fantasy or going for a walk or doing some sport or hobby etc); other stuff that is just enough to keep us not fretting (watching TV we wouldn’t normally want to, doing the dishes etc)
Small steps. It may help if you can see that things are happening in small steps. (This only applies to things we have control over, not other stuff like when we will be notified of whether we got into that course, whether we got that job etc.)
Applying what we do in the areas we have patience with (if any) to other areas. Usually we are more patient in some parts of our lives than others. It is sometimes possible to shift what we do from one area to another. It may be that I am able to find more things that absorb me – or find one aspect of where I am impatient that absorbs me – eg feeling the action of the tea towel on the plate when I am washing up.
Hope these are useful or stimulate some useful thinking for you.
Howdy
My impatience is a benefit at work but not a functional lifestyle characteristic for all the reasons you mention – it drives me batshit to wait for stuff.
That’s why I need to make myself do things like building intricate stuff out of wood (accuracy essential as well as waiting for things to dry) or doing detailed drawings that can’t be rushed or letting an idea become something in its own time..
On some levels I hate it but I know its good for me in the long run and ultimately this kind of pacing makes me feel better about the times I am impatient.
Or something
x
Thanks for these comments. Seems that distractions are in the lead and maybe I need to find some better ones (rather than tweeting rather irritatingly on twitter).
I’m totally impressed that you can do intricate things WG as I assume that I would get more frustrated with myself…but it makes sense that forcing the concentration would help. I also like the idea of small steps as it means that the emphasis doesn’t fall on one big thing, which makes the impatience worse.
No silver bullet then?! xx