Que Sera Sera

Today is the first day of my last week at work. I handed in my notice a few weeks ago. Not because there was anything bad about my job, nor because I have something better to go too; but because I want to follow my dream.

I’m not quite sure exactly what “my dream” looks like yet, which sounds a little strange for such a decisive action, but I know which direction I want to move in. Vaguely. Or I am, at least up for the exploration, though admittedly a little scared.

I think that this means I’m owning my future. I think it means that I’ve decided I’ve got something to offer the world; and, if it’s not too late, I’d like to get involved.

I haven’t done this before. I have stumbled from the eating disorder into existence, with a lot of support and hand holding along the way. My risks have been with my physical health, and not with how I invest in my life. The movements slow, debated over, sensible and not anything to get excited about.

I am excited now.

I have found it hard to catch my breath.

I am not used to wanting and had not – until recently – allowed myself to hope. Now I want lots and I hope for even more. I want the dream job, and the city life, and the buzz of new people and relationships and places; I hope for happiness and success and maybe one day even love.

I have staked my job on it. More noticeably, for me, I have put my trust in myself. After years of depending on others and clinging on to certainties, it feels right now to dive straight in, come what may.

“Que Sera Sera” has been rolling round inside my head. “Whatever will be will be” doesn’t mean that I’m giving responsibility away; it just means that I have stopped fighting life.

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5 Responses to “Que Sera Sera”

  1. WG says:

    Soooooperb. So proud of you (in a non patronising way). IMHO que sera, sera fucking brilliant for you whatever you end up doing. Keep believing in yourself sunshine.

    Love
    WG

  2. Karita says:

    Excellent! Well done you! :D

  3. Kaley says:

    Whatever will be will be is right. That’s a hard thing to accept, and you are so brave.

    I wish you all the best and am sending positive thoughts your way. xoxo

    Kaley

  4. James says:

    Bloody brilliant and so inspiring! Good luck and keep the hope and dream alive. Be excited, be optimistic and be proud – this is wonderful! :D

  5. Melissa says:

    Thanks people – means lots to have so much support online. There’s no going back now!… (well, actually, there is; but I think it’s probably better to keep heading forward!) ;D