Heading For a Fall…

There is a little voice at the back of my head that thinks I’m heading for a fall. I have been feeling quite happy recently, so it’s tugging on my elbow, desperate to be heard. It has been clinging on for years, like a leech, and I think it’s time we parted. I will never be able to feel pleasure, or enjoyment, or pride, whilst it’s still hanging around.

This morning, when I was swimming, I imagined it hurtling through space, cartoon-like.

I’m throwing it out into the ether here -

I don’t care where it goes. It won’t survive without me, which is probably why it’s so afraid.

It has not been that funny in real life. I have seen the damage that it can do. It has brought me to a halt, brakes screeching, at the faintest sign of happiness, because it believes that “pride comes before a fall, Melissa” (only pride encapsulates everything positive) and claims that there is nothing worse than “getting too big for yourself”…

And so I shrunk. And shrunk. And shrunk.

It is unsurprising, maybe, that putting myself into the world has therefore evoked such fear.

If I fall, then I will pick myself back up again –but I’m less likely to stumble, I think, if I elimate the whisperings in my ear.

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3 Responses to “Heading For a Fall…”

  1. RealJIMMY says:

    Great taking a positive stance there hon! It’s so freeing to turn around to that nagging pessimistic voice in your head and just say “Oh SOD OFF!” :D
    I’ll look up at the sky tonight and see if I see it floating off into space ;)


  2. Evan says:

    This sounds like a major step. Wishing you much more happiness without the carping voice and hope that you have good friends who can help you pick yourself up again if you fall.

  3. youshouldsee says:

    oh, i get you.
    there is always a voice in my head pushing me down and lifting up the crazy. i really hope you manage to get rid of that nasty little voice.