I have been re-writing my CV recently. It is clean, sparse, and formulaic. I have done a lot, in a relatively short space of time, but the lot feels overshadowed by the glaring delay. Plus, my biggest achievement remains unsaid.
I’m not too sure how well my background would go down. Whether it would be considered a liability or, as I’m beginning to view it, a difficult journey, without which I would not be who I am.
Without which I would not be me.
I did not expect to reach this conclusion, nor arrive at a place where I regard my recovery with recognition and pride. I am used to focussing on the things that have been stolen and the missed opportunities. I rarely stop and reflect that, whilst I might have preferred an alternative route, it is the path I have trodden which has got me to where I am; the lessons learnt along the way, fundamental to whichever journey I next go on.
So, I might not be able to capture this feeling in a CV, nor explain it particularly eloquently in an interview. And the appreciation may dissipate, tomorrow, when the frustration kicks in or I am arguing with myself again –
But, today, at this very moment, there are some positives I can take from the experiences which I think will stand me in good stead – like courage, and confidence, and awareness, and a commitment to really throwing my heart and soul into whatever comes next.
Because I have confronted, already, some of my biggest fears, and know that it’s possible to come out of the other side.
I’ve prodded and probed my personality and perception, so I’ve sussed out where most of my weaknesses lie – and how to work through them. Have learnt, by default, about human nature, and emotions, and empathy, and the things we all do to help ourselves along.
I’ve seen, because I have come so close to losing, how precious life is and how much I desperately want to give.
And, after a decade of hardcore therapy, I’ve developed a cracking set of transferable skills – from goal setting to problem solving – that any company should kill for –
And I’m using, finally, to help me move on.
Tags: Identity, life, recovery, self-acceptance
The nasty stuff does give us the opportunity to develop the skills to deal with it. Even if this isn’t the best way to develop the insights and skills, you have still managed to do it. You have my admiration.
Moving on, indeed … it’s really the only choice, right? Life moves on, every moment of every day, whether we lock-step or not. I think the significant challenge in “moving on” from the minutae to the mountainous, is a pivotal human skill. Those who can let things go, can also take things on. Those willing to move forward get to leave the past a little farther back. And if you’re moving on, it’s impossible to get bogged down by inertia. Go get ‘em! and embrace the power, integrity, right, and privilege of doing so
The_Timekeeper
So well put. I agree completely. While some may see it as a liability, I see it as something that has made me much more aware of my emotions, my motivations, my strengths and weakness and those of others, etc.
If someone bases their decision about my character and potential on a diagnosis or stereotypical generalization, then it’s their loss. I think my struggle has only made me more in touch with myself and what’s really important–something most people never take the time to explore.
Thanks for these comments. It’s weird how the whole experience can swing between positive and negative, central and peripheral.
Abby, you’re right, there has been an opportunity in the exploring myself process which, however painful, is something that has transformed my self perception and outlook on the world.
The Timekeeper – it is about letting things go; like taking the training wheels off the bike and then racing or something. Really hard to describe and totally unexpected – so I just go with the flow!
And thank you Evan – with a lot of help and nudging from some very wonderful people along the way!