Finding the Spark

I have been on a mission for the past few days. Been fired up and propelled forward on a burst of energy that has added a spark to my eyes and a new sense of purpose to my thoughts.

I think this is called ambition.

And I am trying not to be scared.

There is an element of want, I think, in ambition, that I instinctively shy away from. A subtle danger that I sensed, but could not articulate, before. There’s the potential, in the hope, for disappointment; and in the hunger, a desire that can overwhelm.

Which I could not allow.

So brakes down, feelings in, do not want and do not try – because the disappointment is not worth the effort and the failure will eat you from within. A million moons ago I put any ambition in a safety box where it couldn’t hurt me –

And now I have found that I hold the key.

And you know what? I’m not scared anymore. I’m not quite so afraid of wanting as I was when all this began…

So I am holding this little ball of glowing ambition, and watching it flicker and dance, and it doesn’t feel like the world will come crashing down if I don’t get anywhere – because the little spark will keep going and I will just start again. And I’m not as worried, as I was, about disappointment, or failure, or the overwhelmingness of want –

Because it has dissipated, unexpectedly, in the act of trying, and in the sheer excitement of finally joining in.

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3 Responses to “Finding the Spark”

  1. James says:

    Are you reading my mind? I’m feeling that spark and desire on my own personal trip at the moment, desperate to light up, discover myself and do amazing things.

    ‘The Fear’ keeps us caught up, but you’re right. We do have the key or spark or whatever you want to call it. Great positive post Melissa – here’s too all of us making beautiful fireworks… :)

  2. edna says:

    Great image – hope that your ball of ambition keeps burning bright.

  3. Melissa says:

    Still going – but even if it temporarily fades, I’m not scared of it anymore and I know it can come back! ;)