I can not miss my snack, because it will be impossible tomorrow – and then the next day – to eat it again.
And I can not throw up what I have eaten, because it has taken 2 years (nearly) for the swelling to go down and my teeth still wobble.
I can not have a cigarette, because it might hurt the graft they performed to try and repair the damage I had caused; and, I have removed the razors from the bathroom, because long sleeves in summer provokes too many questions.
I do not drink, because I am scared of the calories; and I don’t do drugs, because I’m afraid of death.
I don’t take medication, because I’m frightened of not being in control; and I can’t sleep, because my head won’t stop –
Which means that I just have to sit, for the moment, with the feelings; and ride out the discomfort –
because there’s no where left for me to hide.