“Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.” Winston Churchill

There is a theme emerging in the quotes I keep bookmarking. They are about focusing on the process, rather than the outcome; and, enjoying the experience, rather than only celebrating success.

Making mistakes – so the message seems to go – is part of the learning, and broadens the opportunities for the great things that come next.

Lately, I have become more and more aware that I only do what I know I can do, and only try that which it is safe for me to try. That I am stifled, daily, by over-precaution, and paralysed by the fear of ‘getting it wrong’ –

Which is getting quite frustrating.

So, in the interest of science, and because there’s a convergance of opinion, I am going to give myself (at least temporarily), full permission to fail.

This involves shifting a few of the things that stop me from passing go.

1. The Fear of Reprisal

With a head that likes to point out, repeatedly, my shortcomings, the insufferable noise that a mistake will inevitably lead to is enough to keep me from even trying…

So I am now imposing a temporary gag.

Zipped up. Silenced. Schtum.

There can be no recriminations and “I told you so-s” if I have accepted that it is okay, Melissa, to sometimes get it wrong.

“If you hear a voice within you say “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” Vincent van Gogh

2. Catastrophising

As well as shooting myself down, I expect that, should I make a mistake, everyone else will jump on the ‘condemn Melissa bandwagon’ and join in the fun. They will notice my error – and then decide that they can’t stand me – and then make sure that everyone else in the whole wide world feels exactly the same -

I have no evidence for this happening and I’m pretty sure that people have better things to do than stand on the sidelines waiting for me to fail….So step two is about keeping the consequences in perspective:

“Success isn’t permanent, and failure isn’t fatal.” Mike Ditka

3. A Difference of Opinion

I have got myself confused and muddled up thoughts and feelings, with what qualifies as a right – or a wrong. There is, however, rarely one right opinion – or an automatically opposing wrong; so, instead of back-pedalling the moment I come up against a challenge, or crumbling under the fear that “they’re right and my opinions are always wrong”, I’m going to factor in room for variety, and subjectivity, and a difference in opinions –

Because some things are muddy, and life isn’t always so clear cut.

“Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone elses.” Billy Wilder

4. Being the Best

It is better to be playing the game then watching it happen because you’re scared that you won’t win.

Enough said.

I need to get over this one.

5. One Way or Another

If there’s one thing my recovery has taught me, it’s that there’s no one route. Some things work on some days and don’t on other days; some things don’t work full stop. Sometimes, the things that you don’t expect to help, do; and sometimes, those that you’ve been banking on, don’t.

It is only through making mistakes that I have found this out…

So, I now need to apply the same approach to the rest of my life, and start exploring where else I might be able to do the impossible – and what might happen if I got out of my own way!

“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Related Stuff….The Frontiers; Shoulds, Buts and the Need to Get it Right Go Unperfectly; and, Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast.

Tags: self discovery, self-acceptance, the human head

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