Stepping Out –

I have stepped out of my comfort zone. I didn’t realise what a leap it was, until I reached for cover – and it had disappeared. I am still, it seems, hiding under my eating disorder; and not quite sure whether without it, I am enough.

This time it was my writing, which shows just how far the illnesses’ influence extends.

Last week, I had my first non-eating disorder piece published on iwalkiwrite. As my day job is business writing, producing content is nothing new – but having my name attached to my words is a whole different ball game.

It is ironic that I can tweet my own contents and feel pleased when people visit my site…and yet, every time the iwalkiwrite piece was mentioned, I cowered behind my screen.

I have understood the value, you see, in writing about eating disorders – and I’m still not convinced that there’s anything else worth writing about, when it comes down to just some words and me.

This is, of course, exactly why I wrote the piece – and cared so much about the reception. I just hadn’t expected it to be so horribly hard.

I have tried to analyse my reaction. To soften the fear, or try and get to the bottom of the painful wrench. I have fought the urge to retreat, under my cover again, and go back into the world that I know –

But I have learnt, the hard way, that the only way of going through the fear is by doing it; and the only way of finding out what else I might be, is by taking a risk –

And letting, gradually, a part of me go.

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4 Responses to “Stepping Out –”

  1. James says:

    “The only way of going through the fear is by doing it…”

    Too true. Once you’ve done something it’s less daunting – you’ve crossed a comfort zone and proved that you can do it and it’s alright. Good stuff.

  2. Melissa says:

    I hope so! Just need to keep collecting the evidence and exploring I guess! All part of the journey. ;)

  3. Abby says:

    For what it’s worth, I loved the piece. I write “professionally” for a living and sometimes find it hard to just write to write without editing, to not have distinct purpose, theme or reason for writing what I do.

    You can write about eating disorders because it not only helps other people, but helps you as well. It’s something you know and feel comfortable writing about (I assume.) There is some validation in knowing that others relate, a familiarity with the feelings/topic that take a bit of the edge of the anxiety of hitting “publish.”

    When you branch out and explore things outside of your head, the “real world,” if you will, you’re taking a risk. You might be unsure as to how it will be received, anxious as there was no real “reason” to write it or measurable outcome…you shouldn’t have been. It was great and I really enjoyed it.

    I hope you have more experiences like it in the future–both the experience of just “being” and enjoying the scenery and the experience of sharing it with others.

  4. Melissa says:

    Thank you so much for this comment and you could have read my mind! It is terrifying and feels like a huge transition into the unknown – but one that I am sure will help me longer term. ;D
    (And by the way, I really appreciate your comments Abby, so this is worth a lot!)