Recently, I started following an account on twitter called ‘OMG I do this too’. A couple of times a day, I therefore receive a tweet which reads something like: “Do you ever get a really good idea, but when you explain it to someone, it sounds terrible so you don’t end up doing it?” or “Do you feel cell phone vibrations, even when you don’t have your phone with you?”*
Most of these tweets bring a huge smile to my face. “YES!” I want to shout: “I do do that too”; and “YES! That is exactly like me”… and I’m not the only one?
In that 140 characters of connection, there is an instant click to other people and the warm reassurance that I am not on my own.
I am not used to this warmth, after the coldness of an eating disorder. I hadn’t realised how important it is to hear your experiences echoed in someone else. To bridge the difference between you – and them – with the acknowledgement that, on occasion, you share some of the same random thoughts.
(Like: “When you stare at a word for a while, does it start to look less and less like a real word?”).
I am not used to spotting the connection, after working so hard to keep everyone out. I didn’t appreciate – when the walls were shoulder-high and the interactions, minimum – that the opportunities for noticing the similarities were worryingly slim.
There are lots of things that an eating disorder doesn’t let you share in, either because food seems to colour all experiences, or because you’re busy hiding what you’re up to. Lots of instances where you smile, emptily, because a reaction is expected; but the experience couldn’t be further from your reality, and the difference only serves to emphasise how much you don’t fit in.
My eating disorder liked division. It worked well when it was me – against them.
I work better with others -
And so now, I enjoying my daily dose of similarity; and find it reassuring that, even if the big things are different, the smaller things are touchingly the same (like: “Do you have a bunch of computer, camera, and video game cables that you don’t really need, but keep anyway “just in case?”).
And I am learning, after maintaining a strict policy of isolation, that it’s a reciprocal relationship; and the more you speak out, the higher the chance of someone coming back with “OMG I feel that too” –
Because the behaviours and the challenges may be different, but the feelings are often shared; and whilst we’re all unique, we sometimes cross a sunny path where we’re also the same.
Like -
“When you download something, do you just sit there and watch the numbers go by?”
“When listening to your iPod in public, do you randomly take your headphones out to make sure no one can hear your music?”
“When you read about a disease’s symptoms online, do you automatically assume you have it?”
*All italicised quotes nabbed from twitter stream @omgidothistoo.
Tags: empathy, getting back in touch, Isolation, people power, re-connecting
OMG I do this too! Connection is a very difficult thing for me as well, hon. When you feel inherently evil (shame) we have this feeling of contagion that is with us every moment. Not so much. But we’re also learning about Universal connection. Which seems much less intimidation. I mean, we know our sh*t is all-powerful but it can’t get to every sentient being.
And thru this connection to all things we can see a tiny light far far away that will one day allow us to risk connecting with individuals. It’s the Shame that keeps us separate. Shame that when you look at it doesn’t really have basis in reality. Good for you. I hear ya
This is a lovely post, Melissa. I’m glad you’re finding these connections… and sharing them with us. Much love. xoxo
Thanks for these comments. I guess the connections have been there for a while – I just haven’t taken the risk or let myself see them! I love that, through comments and meeting people and online conversations, this is now constantly changing! xx