The concept of intuitive eating has only just started crossing my radar.
It sounds like an interesting idea – but at the moment, it also appears to be from another planet.
For me, intuitive and eating do not even appear in the same sentence, let alone alongside each other. With normality a lifetime ago, I still think in hospital speak ‘1 protein, 1 carbohydrate and 2 veg’; weigh out one of three ‘nutritionally enhanced’ breakfast cereals at 7am, come hunger or not; and couldn’t tell you if I like or loathe peas. I do not fancy cake, nor experience satisfaction; and I rotate my food groups to make sure that I’ve got a tick in each box –
In touch with my eating, I most definitely am not. So, I’m making a little introduction:
From what I can gather, intuitive eating is about getting the relationship between mind, body and food sorted. It’s about distinguishing between physical and emotional feelings; listening to your body and being able to respond appropriately to what it needs. It’s not about dieting, and “good” or “bad” foods, and complicated menu plans, but about recognising when you’re hungry – or full; taking care of yourself; and giving this temple that we inhabit a little respect. Or something like that.
Because I am still quite angry at food – or at myself – this is all easier said then done, and there’s a big voice that asserts “well, at least I’m eating”….
but there’s also a little one that questions whether it has to be like this; and, it’s this one that I’m helping along. In order to give intuitive eating a chance, I need to start chipping way at a few long standing barriers:
1. It’s okay to like food.
I find liking food quite hard: firstly, because I’m not sure whether it’s me – or my anorexic head – that likes prawns and salad and brown rice; and, secondly, because I have buried any acknowledgement of a taste preference deep down in a chamber somewhere, and forgotten which particular compartment I put it in.
I like what I “should” like and have scripted myself to remember this; so, when I’m asked whether I enjoy pasta – or cake – or thai green curry, the closest I can get to an honest answer is “I don’t know” – and that’s if the practiced message hasn’t already jumped in.
Determining what I do and don’t like without factoring taste in is probably not a good sign for any intuitive eating, so pressing pause on this message is a first good step; and giving myself a chance to find my tastes out is the next important thing –
2. Removing the clutter.
In order to avoid thinking about what I am eating, I have ramped up the distractions around mealtimes so that they are full of a whole host of other things, with food lurking on the peripherary somewhere. Breakfast is computer time; lunch comes with a side of work and multiple interruptions; and, supper is consumed in front of a newspaper, whilst completing a crossword, and with the TV on.
I know what’s on my plate; I just don’t engage with it.
This is probably not conducive to intuitive eating and it is a million miles away from anything that could be considered mindful – which is probably the next thing I need to factor in.
3. Mindful Eating.
Mindful eating is basically (I think) about paying attention to what’s going into your mouth – in every single way. In terms of taste, and feel, and smell, and how your body then feels.
This is a bit tricky. I have invested a lot of time in trampling over these signals; and, as I’ve mentioned before, I am a little bit squeamish about food. This means that I am going to have to work doubly hard to focus on the more useful learning …like the fact that eating something hot can keep you warm, or peppermint can soothe a sore stomach, or fizzy drinks tend to make me burp.
So, checking in with my feelings sounds like an interesting idea (or at least the basis for a scientific like project); and the only thing I’m missing out then is remembering to listen to the hunger signals in the first instance.
This may well take a bit of time.
4. Mixed messages.
Having gone from total starvation (without feeling hungry,) to bingeing to the point of nausea (without being full) – and every stage in between, it is no surprise that my hunger dial has lost its sense of direction. It is like a compass which has been tossed, repeatedly, into the Bermuda Triangle and no longer recognises north.
This makes identifying hunger or satiation a bit problematic – and that’s on top of the mistakes that are quite easy to make.
Tiredness that is disguised as frustration (or hunger?); bloatedness that means I’m fat (or full?); agitation that is because I’m nervous (or haven’t had enough to eat?)….you catch the drift.
Confusing. But at least I’m starting to be mindful that something’s going on in there!
As you can see, my eating is, at the moment, far from intuitive; but, because I think it might help and I hope that this might one day change, I’m ready to begin the journey….
I’ve got a few ideas in mind (exploring the different senses; focussing for five minutes and building it up; hunger ratings; a spot of food testing) but this is unknown territory and I’d love to hear your suggestions – because it’s been a while since I respected what my body had to say –
And even longer since I was open to listening.
Tags: Eating, Food, mindfulness
Firstly – I just want to say brava to you for this post. Not sure whether you realise it or not – but you are seriously in touch with your feelings/inner thoughts in quite a sophisticated way and that is ALL good. It’s a great platform to build on.
It’s great you are starting to think about food in ways that are more mindful. This takes time and practice & from my perspective, I don’t think it is something that people (and I include myself here) get 100% blissfully right all of the time. We all turn to or away from food as a reaction to emotions, stressors or events in our lives at different times & I think this is pretty normal. It’s only not great when it happens all of the time or very regularly as of course it can mean a dramatic weight loss or gain.
You are right about needing to give yourself time to find out what tastes you really like. Give yourself a chance to experiment with things that are salty, savoury & sweet & if you go into it thinking “I’m just going to try & see what my tastebuds tell me” I think you will find it is more likely to be Melissa responding to likes & dislikes rather than an ed voice.
You are also right about clutter removal – but slowly, slowly here. If the clutter & distraction help you to eat, don’t throw that all away suddenly. There could be ways of introducing “new” clutter that still helps to distract, while simultaneously helping you to be more focused & mindful on what you are eating. Maybe try putting on some beautiful music to listen and enjoy, light candles for dinner, place flowers on the table to look at and the old standby of eating with someone so you can enjoy a distracting conversation that could include talking about the food & what you are liking/not liking.
Hunger ratings are a great way to go & as you mention the fact that you are focused on eating more mindfully I truly believe will mean it will happen. You are so insightful Melissa. I really mean that. This will allow you to focus more and more on what your true heart and mind (and stomach!) are telling you at any given time.
Go gently & kindly with yourself & I am sure there will soon be foods you are writing about here with a new sense of vigour & passion.
I’m going through this kind of process at the moment as well and hopefully it all ends in ‘normal’ patterns and behaviours.
This is a really helpful breakdown. I’m finding that consciously going slow and taking time to eat meals – taste them, engage with them rather than distract myself with clutter – is helping. It’s unusual, but ultimately it feels alright and if it helps bring down the fear and bring intuitive eating then brilliant.
I struggle with the issues discussed above as well, in that I just don’t trust myself yet to listen to a body that I’ve betrayed for so long, almost like I expect it to rebel no matter what I do (not that I can blame it). I still eat by the external clock and not internal cues, as those cues have been muted for years to the point of indistinguishable muffles. Hungry? Never. Want to eat? Yup. Is it time, yet?
As for distractions, I agree they are a barrier to intuitively eating, but right now I still use them. I’m on the computer, watching TV, reading, etc. almost every meal, which really makes no sense considering I look forward to every meal. Then the time comes to actually eat, and I pay no attention to what I’m putting in my mouth–just autopilot.
I guess I just don’t even know what I want or need right now, in that they seem to be a big jumble of routine/guilt/frustration/confusion so I revert back to just satisfying “enough.” I will most certainly be referring back to your post for some structure and tips
Wish I knew hon. I eat because I have promised that I would and because I need to punish myself. It’s a distraction from what’s really going on. Always been that way. Let me know when you figure it out!
Great post, really thought provoking.
There’s a really helpful little book by Susie Orbach called ‘On Eating’ which addresses these kinds of issues.
I’ve been at a healthy weight for about a year and a half now after 20yrs of bulimia and anorexia, and it’s still really hard to see food as good, it’s a constant effort to not fall back into the ingrained habit of restricting! Food still feels like a chore to be gotten over with rather than enjoy. One thing that does make me feel a bit of a connection to food though, is thinking of a food that brings good memories – ie a food that you perhaps ate as a child that you found comforting, for me it’s rice pudding, custard, that kind of thing. And then every now and again i allow myself to have it, and when i am eating it, because of the association of the memory of comfort to that food, it feels like i am really taking care of myself when i eat it, as corny as it sounds – connecting to the feelings of my inner child – and allowing myself to be looked after. It makes eating that one particular food an intuitive experience rather than just mindless eating in the clinical make sure i have enough calories/right food group kind of thing. Of course i know i can’t live on rice pudding but it’s something i can eat occasionally that feels nurturing to myself. Dunno if i’ve made any of that make much sense, but maybe there is a food like this for you that can be your nurture food?
Good luck
I am blown away by these responses and want to say a huge thank you to everyone for sharing these ideas and experiences. I’m going to read all through again properly and keep you updated with how it’s all going!
xx