It also, in a far more selfish way, means that there’s potential – and hope – for me.

Thank you!

There was a time when I didn’t let myself aspire to better things – or even ‘normal’ things that my friends had – because I didn’t feel worthy. So for a while, I did a dead-end, menial job (despite a good degree), lived in a low rent flat with strangers, did not return the affections of men who showed an interest in me to avoid what I saw as inevitable rejection and became very ‘modest’ in every way. I told myself I was happy like that and for a while I was.

Then I had a run of good luck: I was head-hunted out of the blue to do more or less my dream job, I hooked up with a guy I’d been too afraid to ask out for years, my confidence went through the roof and everything looked up. But it was only then that I realise how long I’d been doing myself out of what I ‘deserved’. I became spectacularly jealous of people for having things I’d never cared about before (houses, husbands, children) and started to be very ungrateful for what I did have, even though I had come a long way.

I think your eating disorder may have had the same effect on you as my rock-bottom self esteem and the life I created around it: at the time it felt like it was protecting you from having to go out and compete with ‘normal’ people, and only when you started to challenge it did you realise what it had taken away from you. So I’d say you’ve got every reason to feel jealous of others now. Dealing with it is another matter though – I am still struggling with that myself. But I guess the age old piece of advice is still probably the best: remember that when you look beneath the surface, you often find it took a lot more work, heartache and pain for people to get where they are now.

I think it is important to remember that it’s probably a normal emotion – I guess it’s just the fact that I feel consumed and blocked by it that make me so interested in understanding and working through it, particularly as I want to resist the urge to revert back to my old coping mechanisms.

There are some great points here, however, that make moving foward from this a real possibility, so thank you!

I can see, however, how it’s a bigger issue for those of us who have had EDs or various other issues that leave us insecure and unhappy. If I let myself, I would probably be eaten up by it entirely.

What I’m trying to do now is to look at it as an opportunity to find out something about me. For example, I was really upset and jealous by someone getting a house and getting engaged the other week.In fact, I was so cross I said so to my colleague, whose instant reaction was ” do you want to get married?” This caused me to pause a moment and realise that yes, I suppose I do. Not necessarily this minute, but I do think it’s something I value and aspire to now, that perhaps I didn’t before. When I could see my jealousy as coming from my own desires for me, it seemed different and a little less painful.

I get envious of the moderation they can exhibit with these behaviors and the fact that they can be muscular, healthy and carefree about food. This also happens with “life” things mentioned above–I’m not married, other jobs always sound more appealing, I’m not as stylish or my blog isn’t as insightful and engaging, etc. The irony? There is nothing standing in my way but me. These people and things–and I’m not even into “things”–aren’t stopping me from being happy, healthy and successful. I am.

Instead of being jealous of others, I have to do what I can do to make myself the best ME I can be–not like everyone else. It’s hard, I know, and I hate feeling jealous. The thing is, you probably don’t even realize that others may be having the same thoughts about you! (And your wonderful blog, my dear.)

Wishing you all the best. xx