Because an eating disorder does not like to be challenged; and, because it prefers to live in shrouded denial, rather than open discussion, it took me a while to recognise the importance of a good GP.
The first few said the wrong things. The next few just didn’t get me. And the one I have now is a total godsend. It is possible to work with, rather than against, the health profession.
Whilst my eating disorder was punctuated by long GP-less spells and a general wariness of anyone whose name happened to be preceded by DR; my current GP is dispelling a lot of my assumptions; and, a more objective me is recognising just how important it is to get a little support in place, particularly when you’re playing Russian Roulette with your health –
Because there are some things that you ignore and a GP (or their signature) can help you pick up – like a dangerously low drop in potassium, or an out of kilter heart rate. And there are some times – like when you’ve been throwing up blood or when your bowels start packing in – when it’s important to talk to someone that you can trust.
And, on occasions when your head’s going in a direction that you’d rather it didn’t go in, or when you’re struggling to stay on the right track; it helps to have someone keeping an eye out for you, even if they’re just sending you to the next Doctor in the chain.
A few years ago, I found one of these coveted creatures; and, unlike his predecessors who made me feel like a naughty school girl (does this look like a game to you?) – or declared, helpfully, that they’d seen worst (until the next time I walked through their door) – or jumped straight in with the prescription pad (which just made me more scared that they were taking over my head); I am working with – rather than against – him.
And so, as he likes to remind me, we are following my goals (and not his) and aspiring to the weight that is both medically sensible and Melissa manageable (rather than just on the BMI chart).
And, because he has listened to me, rather than talked over me, we are doing this because I want to enjoy life, and maybe have children, and see what I missed out on – and not just because weight gain is the antidote to anorexia in the medical textbooks.
And if I’m struggling to buy in to the emotional reasons or have temporarily misplaced the motivation that got me going in the first place; then he reminds me, gently, of the biology behind the body and the science behind the mind, which seems to make a difference –
Because eating disorders get you on physical and emotional levels –
And a GP that you trust can help with both.
Tags: things that help
