Last night, when I was busy flooding my flat, my ears woke me up to warn me of the impending danger. In the light of the abuse that I have thrown at this very body over the years, this was quite considerate. My body has been far more forgiving then I am. It’s not the first time it’s stepped in to divert a disaster.
This morning, as I surveyed the wreckage, and realised just how timely my ear’s intervention was, I have been struck by how successful my mind and body are as a double act. The eating disorder may have succeeded in driving a great big wedge between us; but, really, we should be fighting on the same side.
We are not meant to self destruct; we are meant to survive –
I think I started to reach a similar conclusion – although it wasn’t illustrated quite so clearly – as I moved towards recovery. If I listened, really hard, there was a little voice that was warning me to stop; a slight trembling in my stomach that appeared, every time I went into self destruct, and made the eating disorder feel like a betrayal – rather than a solution.
I think that I reached a point – just before I made the decision that change was now or never – of feeling that I was going against nature; and, wondering whether it would just be easier to stop fighting – and start living –
Because we are not meant to self destruct; we are meant to survive –
So, next time I am tempted to turn a blind eye to my body or subject it to another unnecessary assault, I might pause and remember the 2am flood warning and my little inbuilt alarm system.
And, if I sense myself ignoring the whispers that start in my stomach and creep into my head again, then I might remind myself that we’re meant to be on the same side; because, whether I consider my body to be an enemy, or a friend; it will try to protect me –
And, if we joined forces, we’d be a pretty impressive double act.
Tags: Body Image, lessons
