Clouds Clearing

After going to hell – and back, a strange thing seems to have happened; and, like a lens that has been unexpectedly clicked into focus, things suddenly look a lot brighter.

You don’t take anything for granted when you have come so close to losing it all.

As the shadows shift and the clouds begin to drift away, even the ordinary seems tinged with gold; and the mundane, something to be treasured.

They said that this would happen when I got better. That it would be like soaring above a shiny new world; like the clearing of the clouds. They predicted that, one day, things would be different, and I’d look back and wonder how I could have turned my back on life so completely –

And I said that they were talking rubbish and what would they know. I turned, scornfully, and asked, what was the point of promising things that were impossible and implausible and far too sentimental to be believed?

This morning, when I was standing in the winter’s sunlight on the first day of a brand new year, I understood what they were saying.

Because, instead of turning inside, I was looking out at the colours, which were like fragments of a rainbow; and, as I was focussing on being – and not just existing – then each breath of sharp air was like a rush of energy; and, instead of being tired and cold and weighed down, I found myself dancing down the hill –

Because I could.

And so, whilst the journey’s been full of uncertainty and fear and loss; and, although the recovery has been scary and lonely and oh so tiring; it has also been full of moments of clarity and things that look very different when you’ve been to hell – and back -

Because, in the clearing of clouds and the shifting of shadows and the loosening of chains, you don’t take anything for granted.

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2 Responses to “Clouds Clearing”

  1. Claire says:

    Love this Melissa :)

  2. melissa says:

    Thank you! Am going to re-send it to myself on a monthly basis in case I start getting complacent!….