Feeling all alone at Christmas

Because everyone’s blissfully happy and they’re all having so much fun; depression feels worst at Christmas, heightened and highlighted by the contrast.

And because everyone’s partying hard and booked up for months in advance; loneliness is heavy, shot through with the pain of being left out and accompanied by a barrage of self-criticism.

And when your eating disorder’s turns the Christmas roast into a new form of torture while everyone’s merrily tucking into mince pies or relishing the last bacon clad sausage; then the separation between you – and them – can feel unbridgeable.

And if your head is screaming with fear when the Christmas pudding is brought to a table of cheers; then the terror doubles in its disparity, and the distance from you – to them – can seem immeasurable –

Until you remember that you are not alone in your fears – and that the assumptions may be a bit of an illusion.

Because this year, if I’m feeling a little blue, then I will try and give myself a bit of comfort – rather than berating myself for ‘being different’.

And if the loneliness threatens to overwhelm me, I will remember that there are other people who experience the same festive pangs – and I am therefore not alone.

When my stomach clenches at the thought of the Christmas Roast, I will take a deep breath – and not let the fear overpower the occasion.

And when the chasm appears between me and the person I am sitting next to, I will try and stay in the room and within the radius –

Because it only takes a few words to start shrinking the distance –

And a little human contact to contain the fear.

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2 Responses to “Feeling all alone at Christmas”

  1. Julie says:

    A lovely post. The part about the few words is just so true.

  2. melissa says:

    Thank you! As if to prove the point further, just a few words has given me a huge smile!