When I was a teenager, I was offered £500 to stop smoking. Even though £500 was a fortune to a penniless 17 year old; I failed at the first hurdle. When you’re addicted to something, a rational argument does not always equate.
The outcome? I remained a penniless teen – who couldn’t even give up smoking and had therefore thrown away the easiest £500 she had ever been – or would ever be – offered; whilst appearing ungrateful to the well-meaning sponsors and letting them down in the process -
The lesson? The rules are different when you’re dealing with head stuff and when you’re overwhelmed by an addiction. A little distance is imperative and you can’t start adding new things into the mix without a touch of caution – because it can all get horribly confused.
Stopping smoking stops being about stopping smoking – and starts being about pleasing other people.
A failure to stop smoking is no longer a single failure, but multiplies into two disappointments – and two disappointed parties.
And the motivation gets lost as it moves from my motivation – to the one that someone else has given me…which never works so well.
So, however tempting it may be to encourage recovery with the promise of better things, or to tie up getting better with emotional bargaining (the ‘do it because you love me’ line), it’s worth remembering that this is a bit of a risky strategy: you need to give someone the space to work it out for them self or it all gets confused between helping them and pleasing you –
Tags: Addiction, Friends and Family
