I am not great at positive affirmations and platitudes. I’ll do them – spontaneously and under a different name – but I find forced sentimentality a little nauseating…
Which is why my next strategy may come as a bit of a surprise!
‘Five Good Things’ is my version of the ‘things that I am grateful for today’ concept. I have used it at various stages in my illness, my recovery, and in those horrible periods when life seemed pretty bleak and it was hard to see the point.
Interestingly – and unintentionally – it also proved a great way of falling asleep at night; particularly during times when my head refused to be quiet or the emptiness of going to bed with a mind full of miserable thoughts was just too much to bear.
Now, it’s good for days when I have that nagging sense of dissatisfaction, or when I get caught up in the hype and forget that it’s the little things that really make the difference –
Because ‘Five Good Things’ is really simple and all about recognising the brief moments of specialness – so that they become a lot bigger.
The premise of ‘Five Good Things’ is virtually self explanatory: you have to think of 5 things (as a minimum) that have happened that day which have made you feel good.
If you start this when the eating disorder’s still quite dominant, it’s best to exclude things like “successfully evaded lunch” (which doesn’t really feel very good when you break it down, and was always tinged with elements of deceit or frustration or fear for me); however, there are no real rules, you can’t get it wrong – and it’s certainly not meant to be too strenuous, in fact, you don’t even need to write anything down (although it’s kind of nice to have something on paper at first).
Some examples
If you’re struggling to find a starting point or if you really can’t think of anything positive, here are a few of the things that I used to note down…
People:
- An unexpected smile
- a passing conversation with someone
- doing something nice for someone (eg making a cup of tea!)
- getting/giving a complement
- a hug
- sharing a joke
- an interesting conversation
- speaking with someone you haven’t spoken to for a while
- speaking to someone you haven’t spoken to before
- sending a card
- the special people that are in your life (nb. in the early stages when few good things seemed to happen, naming 5 special people was enough to make me feel a little better on its own)
Emotions and Senses
- something that made you laugh
- doing something that you’re scared of
- making a small change;
- a long, hot soak
- going for a swim
- skipping with Flo Rida (or an alternative artist!)
- scented candles
- stretching (llike when you wake up in the morning)
Nature:
- Autumn colours
- the feeling of crisp air in winter
- not getting caught in torrential rain (being grateful for what didn’t happen is good!)
- the sun
- the sun on snow
- sheep – or any other animal that you drive past on the way to work
Miscellaneous:
- Reading a good book
- a killer outfit – and, particularly, rediscovering a killer outfit
- nice nail varnish
- a favourite TV programme
- scrabble on i-phones
- the feel of fresh sheets
- the ironing (but only if you want to)
- sorting something out (eg that pile of unopened mail)
Variations and add-ons:
1. Giving yourself Five Good Things -
Once you’ve started to recognise the things that make you feel good, you can start upping your dose on days when you’re struggling a little.
It’s best to work out the things that are not dependent on factors beyond your control – a hot bath as opposed to someone paying you a complement; or a Family Guy repeat instead of Top Shop having a great new and hugely under-priced collection in – but you reach a point when you can refer back to your ‘good things’ list and start giving them to yourself when you’re feeling a little blue.
2. Trending
I was quite demanding before I realised – thanks to 5GT – that it was not the expensive or the new things that actually made the difference on a daily basis; it was, for me, all about other people.
Five Good Things is an interesting way of working out what’s important to you in life, particularly if you’ve been used to focussing on one thing – like food, or the size of your wardrobe….
Tags: depression, gratitude, helping yourself, Positivity, things that help
