The Risk of Relationships –

I had forgotten that there was an element of risk involved in any relationship.

Writing a blog has heightened the experience.

Start an interaction and you’ve got to be able to handle the response –

An eating disorder protects you, to some extent. It’s a risk reduction when the social interactions decrease; a comfort when they go wrong.

The real world does not operate on these terms and self protection comes at a cost. You do, quite possibly, lose far more than you gain –

It’s something I’m keeping an eye on as I start re-engaging with the world. I have a tendency to back down at the first signs of criticism; to crumble under any hint of disapproval and retreat, swiftly, when I’ve stood up for myself and the assertion has gone a little wrong –

But it’s the self negation that got me ill in the first place, so I’m trying to change the pattern this time round.

Human nature is not always kind and we do not always agree –

So, this time, I’m not getting too hung up on other people, because trying to please everyone ended up in pleasing nobody; and, vacillating between his opinion and her opinion extinguishes any real opinion. Plus, someone with their own mind is far more interesting than a clone -

And, if the response is not that which I would have wanted; well, then, I’m picking myself up and dusting myself down and reminding myself that my opinion is valid, thank you very much –

And I will take on board the comments (because we’re all entitled to our thoughts) and consider any criticism (because that’s how we develop); and, I will recognise the niggling hurt and the horrible sense of failure (because that is what I am feeling) –

And move on.

It’s taken a while to get to this point.

The tendency towards approval and popularity is intrinsic. We are trained to please from an early age –

We just sometimes forget to question just how much we really value the people that we are pleasing.

And how much we’re paying for the pleasure.

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