I’m not sure that I’ll be able to have children.

You might not care at 14; but it hurts at 29.

The signs aren’t looking good; so, whilst the rest of my peers are busy reproducing, I’m still waiting for my body to get used to being healthy.

After 17 years, it’s taking a while.

Children didn’t enter my eating disorder dominated head very often; but now I’m getting back in touch with the world, I wish I’d explored the concept a little. It’s only with maturity that I understand that it’sone of the most important things a person can ever do –

I’m kind of hoping that I haven’t destroyed that option.

Please learn from my mistakes.

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3 Responses to “Infertility”

  1. Julie Mann says:

    That sounds like a very sad place to be Melissa. I cannot imagine not having my daughter so I have no idea how painful that really is for you. However, as a practitioner I know what a difference it makes to take responsibility for our behaviour and the way we feel. Acknowledging your feelings is vital. Forgiving yourself, if you need to, or anyone else who may be connected to your eating disorder, is key to moving on. Forgiving is not about condoning what happened, but it allows us to find freedom. You cannot change the past but you can create a new beginning. Some women who ‘try’ to get pregnant for years without success, and eventually give up, end up conceiving naturally. You may or may not be able to get pregnant, but if you keep holding on to ‘blame’ or ‘regret’ you will never find peace, good health and happiness.
    If you can allow yourself to experience your feelings without censoring them, listen to what they have to tell you and learn from them, you can begin to heal the past. It’s time to stop punishing yourself.
    Julie Mann Habitfixer

  2. melissa says:

    Thank you. Not even at the trying stage yet – just hugely aware of the potential problems.

  3. Mallory says:

    i have the exact same worries right now… i have not had my period for over 5 years due to anorexia and the thought of not having or being healthy enough to bear children wares on me eveny single day. it drives my wild with anger and frustration, guilt and shame… i am now 24 and should be at the peak of fertility yet i have done so much damage to my body it may not ever trust me to reproduce which would be a devestating blow to me, as it is my only real desire in life :(