Reading about the effects of bulimia always seemed to result in me throwing up even more.
It seemed like the only way of managing my fear. The only way of proving that what I was reading or hearing was not true. A kind of tempting fate just to see what will happen because at the pit of your stomach you suspect it’s bad scenario.
This isn’t going to stop me from saying what happens. It just comes with a little advice. Don’t let it scare you; that’s part of the problem.
Let’s start with the physical. The bits that sound like exaggerations and the bits that won’t happen to me.
Teeth. By 24, I’d lost one tooth (hole) and gained one crown (agony). The backs of all my teeth were filled in because they’d worn away. There are strange little acid holes on all the surfaces that rub against my tongue and make my teeth feel like mini razors.
At 28 and with the helpful hand of nicotine addiction, my gum collapsed and a genetic pre-disposition was given a rapid and weighty push in the wrong direction.
Glands. For years I walked around with lumps under my chin. Now that people are polite enough to mention them, they just say it looked like I had a problem with my throat. At the height of my anorexia, my face was a distorted mess of bone and swelling: I looked like an alien.
A year later, they’re lots better but I’ll probably have bumps (rather than mumps) for a while, and a little artificial saliva spray is showing them how it’s done.
Hands. Dry with swollen red knuckles until throwing up became second nature.
Lips. The same swelling and stinging.
Stomach. A hefty dose of acid reflux medicine knocked the crippling heart burn and the caustic sting at the back of my throat a couple of years ago. An anti-sickness medication is helping me and my body remember that throwing up food is not normally part of the biological process.
As I said, it’s not pretty.
Tags: Bulimia
