Copying other people is part of human nature. We get a little bitchy about it sometimes – the “she’s wearing my outfit” line – but really, most things are down to emulation; learning by looking.
When you are ill, the blinkers are on. When you’re getting better, you need a way of re-connecting.
Throughout my recovery, I’ve used other people as a way of challenging my eating disorder head; as a contradiction to the behaviour that my illness deemed ‘normal’. They probably didn’t realise it – and it probably wouldn’t have worked if they were playing a part – but you need to aim for something when you’re on a rocky sea.
Learning from example gave me the guidance I needed.
Food must be okay if other people consume it on a regular basis. Chocolate can’t have catastrophic consequences when it’s enjoyed by normal looking people. Hunger is not greed but time for the next meal; and, lunch is just lunch – when you’ve got a life going on around it.
If the message was shouted, I would have missed it. It’s the doing – and not the telling – that has the greatest impact; and, the same thing happened when it came to sorting out my weight.
When you start noticing that other people have more energy – or that clothes hang better on a body rather than on bones; that people prefer hugging someone who won’t break – and that not everyone is cold all the time: well, then being a normal weight becomes quite appealing.
It helps to have a few healthy goal posts to aim for. It’s not about other people playing a part or taking the lead: It’s about using what you’ve got around you for motivation and a touch of inspiration; about looking outside yourself a little – and seeing where you’d like to go next –
Filling time when you stop spending hours in the supermarket or take back a few of those wasted evenings – what do your friends do?
Getting angry or having a bad day or feeling a little bit blue – how do other people manage it?
It’s not about wallowing in the comparison (learn from my mistakes please!); it’s about building up an idea of what your life could be.
When you start seeing how other people do things, letting go of what you’ve been doing is easier.
When you start to entertain new possibilities, change doesn’t seem quite so bad – and the solutions, so far away.
Tags: Friends and Family
