Tomorrow

“It’s all right. Tomorrow I’ll be pretty again, tomorrow I’ll be happy again, tomorrow, tomorrow…..”

Jean Rhys, ‘Good Morning, Midnight’

If you’re a member of the tomorrow brigade, stop now.

Tomorrow will never come.

It took me fifteen years of waiting for tomorrow to learn this.

Tomorrow, I won’t throw up. Tomorrow, it will be okay to eat. Tomorrow, I’ll start again. Tomorrow, I’ll feel different….

It’s unadulterated self-deception. It just means that you’re putting things off. It just means that you’re shrugging off the responsibility – as if the clock dials and the passing of the moon had the power to miraculously change everything.

Waiting for tomorrow gives your power away.

It exonerates you from all responsibility –

“My life, which seems so simple and monotonous, is really a complicated affair of cafes where they like me and cafes where they don’t, streets that are friendly, streets that aren’t, rooms where I might be happy, rooms where I never shall be, looking-glasses I look nice in, looking-glasses I don’t, dresses that will be lucky, dresses that won’t, and so on.”

Jean Rhys, ‘Good Morning, Midnight’

- and hands the honour to things that don’t deserve it.

When you make the blue dress lucky and the green one not, your outfit’s in charge of your day.

When you avoid the cafe’s where they don’t like you and only go to the cafes that do you’re giving away your freedom; taking away your options.

When you’ve decided where you will be happy and where you won’t, everything’s a given; there’s no room for manoeuvre.

When you’re depending on the fact that tomorrow will feel different, you’ve set yourself up to fall: because tomorrow is always the same –

Unless you take a little action.

It’s a hard lesson to learn.

It shouldn’t take fifteen years.

It may be scary but I’d advise you to start today.

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One Response to “Tomorrow”

  1. Helen says:

    This is one of my favourite books, though perhaps that word should be in inverted commas… I haven’t read it in a while as the bleakness within is perhaps too close for comfort right now. I know that “tomorrow” tactic all too well – it’s prevented me from taking the actual steps towards recovery despite a new-found motivation and desire to live my life to the full.

    However, “tomorrow” may have just got a little closer: I have just accepted a place on a day treatment programme – and am really trying not to start convincing myself that I don’t “really” need this level of support… and that maybe I should lose another stone (or so) before I “deserve” the help that is being freely offered…