Apparently, expecting the worst and sticking to generalisations are common negative automatic thoughts.
This makes me feel a lot better about my own negative automatic thoughts.
Therapy and cognitive theories aside, I am reassured by the fact that the thoughts have a name. It infers a commonality. It suggests that other people entertain the same ideas – and shared things are so much easier to manage than those that you’re battling alone.
It is, possibly, a little unkind to feel comforted in the knowledge that other people are also tortured by their heads –
But, it’s also easier to start changing thinking when you see the thoughts as patterns and not realities. It’s far simpler to challenge the mindset when you see it through the reflection of other people.
Getting to that point’s the harder bit – but another nice thing about a generic term is that you’ve got a handy checklist so you know what you’re looking for.
Assuming the worst is an obvious starting point because automatic thoughts always seem to be negative, rather than positive – as you would expect. Despite a catalogue of good experiences and probably more sunlight than gloom, I am particularly familiar with predicting failure or expecting disappointment or preparing myself for whatever the next worst is –
It’s a form of protection: you can’t be let down if you’re already prepared for the kick. It’s a bit of the old self-fulfilling prophecy cliché: the first hint of a positive outcome provokes a level of scepticism and alarm that means you’ve already destroyed the possibility – before you’ve even enjoyed the experience.
And, of course, there’s no middle ground; no balanced position between failure and success, enjoyment and disappointment – because automatic thoughts only deal in generalisations, in black and white thinking.
I am either wholly disappointed or wholly satisfied – and, because the latter is virtually impossible (oops, there I go again), I am normally wholly disappointed. If I am not 100% good then I am abominably bad. If I am not beautiful then I am ugly; not a genius, then a total dunce –
You get the idea.
– And you’ve also slipped into the next common pitfall: labelling. Put anything in a box and you immediately restrict the options. Give anything a label and the baggage instantly appears. If I brand myself disorganised, I won’t even try to be organised because it will be outside of my box; if I view myself as ‘the sick one’, the healthy tag will, by default, feel like it doesn’t fit.
And, if your own assumptions and associations aren’t problem enough, mindreading’s another common NAT: I won’t just beat myself up about my own perception of myself – I’ll also beat myself up about how I’m imagining that you perceive me. I won’t just believe that the negative critique is confined to my own head – I’ll assume that you’ve nothing better to do than deliberate on my failings or snigger at my appearance –
Stop.
It’s not really about being self-obsessed; it’s about insecurity.
It’s not about getting hung up on ridiculous (when you really think about them) ideas: it’s about getting stuck in the wrong headspace; getting caught in the wrong loop.
The insecurity might take a while to sort out – but you’re bound to feel slightly better when you see that the needle’s just got stuck; and, like any bad habit, changing the record’s possible –
It’s just a case of re-writing the script –
Tags: Positivity, the human head
