A lesson in the precarious world of perception.
For years, I believed that my voice was way too loud. I had a whole issue about speaking too much; was convinced that the volume was a notch or two too high, that I came across as overbearing or demanding.
One day, I was told that my voice was so quiet that it could barely be heard. That, by unspoken agreement, windows were closed when I was in the room so that any other noise was blocked out.
Moral of the story: your head can get it wrong.
I could have happily (or unhappily) gone along for years believing that I was too vocal, feeling that my voice was too loud. I could have continued thinking that people were ignoring me for any number of self-critical reasons – and not even considered the fact that they just hadn’t heard me in the first place.
At some point, my perception stopped being a perception and started becoming my truth. It moved from thought to belief to given. From ‘I think that I sound loud and overhearing’ to ‘I am loud and overbearing’.
Fiction became fact.
It took me a long time to realise it, but this is why my eating disorder was so incredibly difficult to get to the bottom of: so many of the beliefs and causes – and then actions and consequences – are located in a totally inaccessible and precarious headspace.
Everything’s subjective. It’s all relative. It all depends on your interpretation of things and your personal truths.
And you’ve got to really get in there to work out what’s going on.
Tags: perception, self belief
